Eight Ways to Not Get Caught

Hardly a week goes by when we don’t see the words “sex,” “scandal,” and “lawyer” arranged together into some irresistible headline. While we love reading about lawyers behaving badly, one thing that continues to stump us is why a group of seemingly intelligent, obviously well-educated professionals appear to have such a knack for getting caught with their pants down.

Just look at national news stories to get an idea of what we’re talking about:

  • The dean of Villanova law school, Mark Sargent, was forced to resign after authorities allegedly busted him for being a customer of a brothel. [Philadelphia Business Journal]
  • Chief judge of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, Alex Kozinski, took it on the chin for publishing publicly accessible pornographic images. The story broke last year, but it resurfaced recently because a panel of federal judges issued a statement admonishing the jurist, saying “[Kozinski’s conduct] created a public controversy that can reasonably be seen as having resulted in embarrassment to the institution of the federal judiciary.” [Los Angeles Times]
  • And then there’s always former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, who has been on a media blitz ever since the economy hit the skids. Sadly, most people still think of him as Client #9, which is too bad because there are certainly good opportunities these days for regulators who have a reputation for being tough on Wall Street. [Reuters]

But should these guys have really been caught? We think not. And let’s face it, it’s not easy finding favor once the forbidden is exposed.  “92% of Americans said married men or women having an affair is morally wrong.”

So we’ve compiled some tips to help you keep your naughty business private. And before you go calling us sensational, it’s worth noting: Sex happens. A January Bitter Poll concluded that half of you assume that more than 25% of married lawyers are having affairs.

Not to mention the number of reader-submitted questions that keep Ex-Bitter busy dispensing experienced advice on everything from “I Did Coke and Slept with a Paralegal” to “I Made Out with a Married Associate.”

We make no promises these are foolproof, but they’re all steps in the right direction to staying under the radar.  Consider this a public service announcement from Bitter Lawyer.

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  • BL1Y

    Good tips, I feel inspired.

  • Anonymous

    me too

  • BL5Y

    On #7, do people really wake up one day and say hey, I’m going to have an affair, where can I find someone?  Isn’t it more likely that the opportunity presents itself and they end up taking it?

  • BL1Y

    BL5Y: I think you’re right, that’s how it happens a lot of the time.  But, sites like AshleyMadison exist for a reason.  My guess is that some people are just curious to see what’s out there and haven’t committed to having an affair, or they start by just wanting to flirt and get some attention, but then things go downhill from there.  And, I’m sure there’s some people who really do just decide to have an affair.  They’re probably pissed off and do it for revenge.

  • Doug

    Re: The Ashley Madison question.
    I actually used the site. I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to have an affair. I was in a bad relationship and I think I built to that decision overtime. It wasn’t about a specific person or an opportunity presenting itself. But basically I was just unhappy, and during that period I saw some ads for the site. From there, I went to the site, explored and eventually joined. It was three months before I ever decided to meet anyone. But the site was a good way to find that opportunity, if you will. But no, it wasn’t one of those, it’s Tuesday, I could go for some infidelity decisions.

  • Lady law

    Ashley Madison site sounds nuts!

  • WilmerHale Associate

    Sorry to post on something utterly unrelated, but I need to vent – WilmerHale has now blocked its employees from posting comments on ATL.  That is why the comments to the post about WH today are so tame and not directed towards the firm.

  • BL1Y

    WilmerHale associate: Are you sure it was the firm’s doing?  Sometimes associates get the firm banned by ATL.

  • Douglas

    wouldn’t you think these dudes would be smart enough to either not do or not get caught

  • WilmerHale Associate

    Yes, it was the firm, I checked with ATL and they assured me the IP address was not blocked.

  • Confused?

    So what’s your beef, WilmerHale Associate? That they blocked the IP? Or, do you want to tear into your employer? Or, are you just mad because the comments about your firm lack the usual spirit?
    Please share.

  • Anon

    Boo hoo, Wilmer Associate.  You can’t post on ATL.  Who cares?  That site is crap anyway.

  • BL1Y

    WilmerHale Associate is clearly the “juicy insides” guy on ATL and is upset about not being able to add to the commentary about Sotomayor.

  • Anon


  • WilmerHale Associate

    I can only assume the firm was upset that ATL comments were bad, and blocked them because it’s bad publicity for the firm.  I am disappointed that they felt the need to do so.  Other firms publicly announce layoffs and allow their people to comment appropriately.  This stealth stuff at WH is not the way to go.  But I agree, ATL sucks and BitterLawyer is way more entertaining.

  • Alma Federer

    Gawd, you men are so sex-crazed!  I can’t believe an entire post dedicated to the perils you face when you can’t keep your zippers up.  Stop thinking of sex only as recreational.  It is also procreational.  Once you understand the distinction, you will be able to handle it better.

  • BL1Y

    Alma: Learn the meaning of “also.” If sex is recreational but also procreational, then it’s still also recreational.  What an idiot.

  • Hannah Palindrome

    Don’t get married!

  • Breathing Easier

    Interesting that this blog would juxtapose a thread regarding escorts / cheating / lawyers / infidelity with a thread on social media. I was profiled on several escort blacklists (www.nationalblacklist.com and http://www.badboyclientlist.com) with all of my personal and professional information, including photos from my since-closed Facebook page. If you’re going to step-out on your spouse, the potential damage is huge. Anything that can be found may be used against you. Sound familiar ?

    Incidentally, it was a lawyer who got me off (no pun intended). His link is http://www.wix.com/hobbyistdefender/hobbyistdefender. To quote a line from Hill Street Blues…..”be careful out there”.