Even the Nudists Don’t Want Him

Gons Nachman, a 42-year-old lawyer and practicing nudist who was recently convicted of having sex with teenage girls while serving as a diplomat in the Congo and Brazil, is asking a judge for leniency, arguing that “cultural differences in those countries make sex with girls more acceptable.”

In pleading with officials to recognize his view that not having sex with little girls in these countries would have made him some sort of cultural freak, Nachman explained that in these exotic locales “women develop quickly, both physically and emotionally,” noting that “their main concern is marrying men with financial stability, a concern dating [back] thousands of years and cutting across cultural lines.”

When reached for comment, the women of America were compelled to point out to Nachman another fact dating back thousands of years and cutting across cultural lines: Nowhere in the universe, no less the western hemisphere, is a middle-aged, government employee nudist pervert considered a catch. Just a heads up. [Newsweek]

Photo by NudstRalph