If you read a newspaper or watch television or really have been alive for the past month, you have probably heard about the government’s ability to shit the bed on just about everything. Today we have official evidence that this is true. A federal employee has been formally reprimanded this month for excessive workplace flatulence.
You have got to be shitting me. Well not shitting, but, you know. The worker, a 38-year-old Maryland resident who works for the Social Security Administration, apparently passed gas on 17 separate dates and 60 specific times. The sanction was delivered to him by a five-page letter that actually included a log of dates and times when the wind breaking occurred and accused him of “conduct unbecoming a federal officer.” I’m sorry but blowing stink smoke seems like the exact thing a federal officer does, especially a claims adjuster at the Social Security Administration.
Here we thought Social Security was going down the shitter because of Baby Boomers but instead it is a guy creating an “intolerable” and “hostile” environment because he has a penchant for chili. Not to mention there is another guy who sits in the neighboring cubicle and documents every time the guy crop dusts the office. Government efficiency FTW! While the formal letter (which can be seen here) only denotes the date and time, I would like to think it includes the style of gas: consistency, scent, decibel level, forecast, etc.
September 20, 2012, 10:25 am: A lengthy low vibration; a hint of cheese and sauerkraut, most likely from a Reuben; sounded dry but things might get worse later in the day.
September 20, 2012, 10:39 am: Things got worse. Bill sharted himself.
Post image via Shutterstock.