You know the drill. People assume because you are a lawyer (or an aspiring lawyer) that what you will really enjoy is some sort of lawyer-themed gift. In years past, you might have ended up with something semi-tolerable like scales of justice cuff-links or a gavel with your name on a plaque, but those days are gone now, thanks to Etsy.
Yes, Etsy. The craft juggernaut is a reliable – and reliably horrible – location for awful lawyer gifts. These are the worst things you might be receiving. Lucky!
1) A horrifically ugly tie.
The ugly wacky tie is the very worst, because whoever gives it to you is expecting that at some point you will actually wear the thing. Do not do this under any circumstances, even if it makes Aunt Prudie very sad.
2) Something that insults your profession.
Every lawyer gets one of these. Are there other professions where people think it is just awesome to tell us we suck, and presume that we will join along in the laughter? NOPE.
3) Weird British barrister things.
Even though your family has never seen you wear a powdered wig or a frilly dickie, somehow they remain completely certain that gifts with those barrister-y things are totally appropriate. Every lawyer ends up with one of these on a bookshelf at some point.
4) Memorabilia from a lawyer show you’ve never heard of
Even if said television show was on before you were born, even if it lasted only one season, people are pretty sure you never missed an episode and want to hang posters and photos of that show on your walls, because that is totally a thing grown people do.
5) Gavels, gavels, gavels.
It’s going to be hell to break it to your family that you will never ever be a judge, mostly because you barely passed the bar’s character and fitness exam and certainly can’t withstand the scrutiny required for a judicial appointment. Until you manage to tell them the truth, they’re going to keep giving you gavels.
…and, worst of all, gavel suckers.
Seriously, those things look disgusting. Pray to the ghost of Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. you don’t get those.