Bitter Lawyer is back at it with Bitter Numbers, and we go positive with our five reasons being a lawyer is great. Now, at least.
1You don’t have to work that hard. No, firms haven’t become kinder and gentler—or more sensitive to associates’ “lifestyle” concerns. (Sorry, Stanford Lifestyle Geeks, this ain’t about you!) They just don’t have any goddamn work for you, so there’s nothing to do. Of course, the bad news is that bonuses will be way down. Or non-existent. But, then again, some of you won’t even be around to get your shitty bonuses.
2You don’t have to stress out about picking practice area or legal specialty. There’s no need to worry about whether you should focus on mergers, corporate finance or banking. It just doesn’t matter. You’ll be forced to do whatever work the firm brings in the door whether or not you like it—or even understand it.
3You don’t have to fend off all those pesky headhunters. Now that the world is crumbling, you won’t be forced to take all those annoying search-firm phone calls and entertain all those enticing lateral job offers. Thank God. Life’s so much easier when you don’t have options.
4You don’t have to resent your rich investment banker friends anymore. With Wall Street all but dead, you won’t have to waste all that time whining about your “kind of dumb” friend from college who sells bonds at Lehman Bros and makes five times what you make. And he only works 40 hours a week. And the hardest part of his job is sending crass emails to clients—and taking them to steak joints and strip clubs. Also, you won’t have to spend all that time strategizing among your peers about “how to become” an investment banker some day. Because you won’t.
5You actually love the job you used to hate. You’ve seen your friends get laid off, the value of your stock portfolio get cut in half and your short-term career prospects all but disappear, but the good news: You finally realize that being an employed Bitter Lawyer is a hell of a lot better than being an unemployed Bitter Lawyer. Some call it “perspective.”
Check out other lists, tallies and scores to settle in Bitter by Numbers.