Four Coolest TV News Lawyers

Bitter Staff Bitter by Numbers, Lawyer

With the right amount of looks and talent, who wouldn’t flee the life of a lawyer to talk on camera for money?  We previously unveiled our picks for the four hottest female lawyers working on television. This time, we’re giving the guys their due. But we’re not judging them on hotness because, let’s face it, Us Weekly we ain’t.

Instead, we’re giving you the four coolest male lawyers working in television news. We went looking for the most admirable, distinctive, enviable guys—someone with whom we’d most like to share a beer and story. For lack of a better term: Cool.

As we did for the ladies, we’ve cooked up our own methodology for judging it.  We’re still using six ten-point categories to find the top men on a 60-point scale, but we made some minor tweaks.  And, just like last time, if you don’t like it or agree, start your own damn website.

Law School: Top-14 law schools are flooded with smart guys. And while smarts are always cool (and we all know one Harvard lawyer who’s got cool perfected), a T14 man usually isn’t.  On the other hand, we’re not feeling TTT guys’ cool factor either.  So here’s the rundown (according to U.S. Newscurrent rankings): T14 graduates are awarded 4 points; Tier-1 graduates of schools ranked 15-50 receive 8 points; Tier-2 graduates are awarded 6 points; TTT graduates get 2 points; Those from Tier-4 or ABA-unaccredited schools get a perfect 10 because if you’ve risen like a phoenix from those ranks, you deserve the cool points.

Company He Keeps: Cool guys pull fantastic ladies. This should be obvious. So, we’re awarding points based on their companions’ sex appeal.

War Story: There’s a fine line between a cool guy and a total douchebag.  A cool guy always has a good story to tell.  You know, the kind of story that everyone wants to hear over and over again that doesn’t include the words “bottle service.” We’re awarding points to the guy who, based on life experience, likely has the best stories in his arsenal.

Controversy: You’re not a man unless you’ve made a few enemies. So it’s pretty simple: The bigger the controversy, the more points he gets—provided he doesn’t spin off into ridiculous land, which is what knocked Geraldo Rivera off the list.

Best In Breed: True, all of these men are accomplished TV newsmen. But being accomplished and accomplishing the title of “Bitter Lawyer’s Coolest TV News Lawyer” (yep, real title) is all about being the best. We’re awarding points for the most obvious of metrics: Quality of their work as a bona fide TV newsman.

Money: Money isn’t everything, but let’s be honest—we all care. So it’s one of the six factors here. While we don’t exactly have official tax returns, a little reading between the lines tells us if they’re rolling in dough or asking for seconds on the bread line. Points are awarded accordingly.

Share this Post