Gift Bag Winners!

Bitter Staff Columns, Lawyer 5 Comments

Congratulations to the Bitterest Lawyers of 2008.

The male and female winners of our Holiday Gift Bag Giveaway received the most votes amongst our finalists and have each won a $500 gift bag filed with items from their respective Holiday Gift Guide.

How did the voting results shake out?

Ladies: Why are you a Bitter Lawyer?

WINNER: Account-Ant Marching

Because I spent $200K on my education while professors and career advisers pumped me full of Skadden dreams.  I get out of school at the beginning of a recession, and I’m forced to work at a Big 4 Accounting Firm where I make half of what a Skadden associate makes while working possibly even more hours.  Of course, since accountants are cheap bastards, I get to pay for my own damn parking.  And play with excel spreadsheets all day while 22-year-old recent grads from USC frown at me.


Gentlemen: Why are you a Bitter Lawyer?

WINNER: Building His Case

I am a Bitter Lawyer because I am a patent attorney working in construction. Not construction law—construction.  I move and install commercial furniture for $13 an hour. The closest I get to a corner office is installing its furniture. I can feel my skills atrophying, and by the time the economy turns around, I probably won’t be able to find a job because of my time not working as a lawyer. I am the punch line to a cosmic joke.


Thank you to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners.  See you next year!

Click here for contest rules.

Share this Post

  • Alvin Arsewipe

    I know I’m late to the game, but I wanted to say that I am a bitter lawyer because I am not getting the type of POO-SAY that I should be getting.  There’s no reason why an employed handsome man with a law degree from a pretty good law school shouldn’t have his choice of women.  And the one woman I really dig likes me, but as a “friend”.  You know what that means!  Now you know why I am a bitter lawyer!

  • Love Doctor

    The fact that you think a stupid law degree entitles you to hot chicks is precisely why you never get any.  Stop thinking lawyers are cool, dude.  They ain’t.

  • Anonymous

    How in the hell did the accountant win?  The cyanide one was so much better.

  • Anon

    these were all very wonderfully bitter!

  • Ben Dover

    I think Alvin A down below is not that wrong.  He worked hard and was probably told by the TV media (LA Law, Boston Legal, etc) that lawyers get top twat.  Now that he’s out, he’s probably finding out it was all a crock of sheed.  Can you blame him for not getting to the honey hole as fast as he thought he would?  He has my sympathy.