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Story Time: Exxxtra Special Halloween Monster Erotica Live Blogging

  Bitter Staff /   October 31, 2016 /   Endings, Featured /   Leave a Comment

Follow along with our awesome writers, who we have, somehow, talked into participating in this live blog debacle.

This week: Spooky Ginger Love, by Kendall Morgan, featuring a protaganist getting lost in the woods. And probably having the sex with some kind of monster. Just a guess.

 

 

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:00 am

Spooky Ginger Love is a full-length (pun intended?) novel so I’m going to be reading an excerpt provided by the author(s).

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:00 am

To give context, here’s the blurb from Amazon: “Keith Norwood, a handsome African-American gay bear, came to Camp You-Mee’s Bears Haunted Halloween Boo-Nanza Extravaganza for some cheesy holiday thrills and a little ass. A fan of the one-night stand, he thought all he wanted was to get laid. The camp’s cute assistant manager with a fantastic butt was Keith’s first choice.
Instead, he loses his way in the haunted woods. He finds his way and himself with the help of Ronnie Gans, a big, friendly, hairy redhead, who is unlike any one-night stand Keith has ever had.”

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:01 am

So, we’re starting in the middle of action as Keith moves away from the fire ring. “The voices of his friends and other campers had become more muted.”

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:01 am

Oh noz! Keith has forgotten his campground map!

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:02 am

Man – nothing in my life sounds as exciting as a haunted gay bear Boo-Nanza in the woods!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:02 am

It is a moonless night. And he’s definitely lost.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:02 am

I’m already tense. Getting lost in a dark place without a map is a real thing.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:02 am

Even without haunted gay bears it’s pretty scary.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:03 am

Hug a tree, Keith! (That’s what they told me to do in Girl Scouts.)

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:03 am

But Keith WHY did you leave the safety of the fire ring??

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:03 am

And… “He tripped over a fallen tree limb, ending up in an undignified sprawl on the ground. The flashlight went flying.”

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:04 am

well, it should be easy to find the flashlight if it’s on

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:04 am

Oh, NOW A VOICE IN THE DARKNESS. “Easy there.” (described as ‘slightly raspy’) I’m weirdly terrified….

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:04 am

hey – he had his flashlight though, puts him above the usual horror film protags

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:04 am

Keith saw a man crouch down by his legs…. who is apparently just there to remove brush. (as it were.)

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:05 am

Maybe it’s just the assistant manager with the cute butt?

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:05 am

It feels like hearing “easy there” in the dark woods wouldn’t be comforting?

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:06 am

A big, muscular hand helps him. We get this description: “the man was fair-haired, perhaps strawberry blond, with a neat beard and mustache…. when he smiled, Keith thought he could see a prominent dimple on the man’s right cheek, giving him a cherubic appearance.” This may be our first erotica with the word ‘cherubic’ featured.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:06 am

yeah nope – I would be more comforted by an actual “gonna eat you now” growl

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:07 am

They introduce themselves. Our rescuer is named Ronnie. They shake hands. (am disappoint!)

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:07 am

That’s some impressive night vision.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:07 am

I feel like cherubic and bearded are mutually exclusive.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:07 am

Ronnie.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:07 am

Santa Claus is kind of cherubic

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:08 am

“You woulda been fine if I hadn’t come along, but I’m glad I did come along,” said Ronnie.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:08 am

this is starting off as very congenial erotica

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:08 am

I’m OK with werewolves existing, but maybe not with Ronnie being a sexy name.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:09 am

Oh, so our player Keith is too stunned to saying anything “smooth.” Ronnie forced to ask him if he’s staying at Camp You-Mee.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:09 am

fair point Ali

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:09 am

You’re right , tinlizzy. This story knows that polite is sexy.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:09 am

Oh, I suppose you’re right about Santa.

Although now I’m imagining this guy as a red-headed Santa which is kind of the opposite of sexy.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:09 am

Polite is totally sexy; Santa is not.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:10 am

Ronnie! Santa’s sexy redhead nephew!

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:10 am

Keith – pull yourself together, man!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:10 am

We find out that Keith is here for the bears Holloween (which I just mis-read, forgetting about the whole gay bear think.)

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:10 am

The really stun-worthy stuff I expect is yet to come.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:11 am

Feels like a grown-up Teddy Bears’ Picnic

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:11 am

Okay, with some back and forth we find out the Keith left the fire circle because he was headed for a hook-up and now Santa Ronnie is going to help him find the RV.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:11 am

no I have the Teddy Bears Picnic song stuck in my head.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:11 am

The RV = the recreational vehicle in which Keith was going to hook up with someone?

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:12 am

Oh! So they find the place where the hook up was supposed to happen, but it turns out hook up couldn’t wait and hooked up with SOMEONE ELSE.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:12 am

Wait – a HOOK-UP hook up, or an RV hook-up

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:12 am

My question too

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:12 am

HOOK-UP like date!

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:12 am

Keith – you’re failing at the bears picnic, buddy. DO MOAR BETTER

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:13 am

Keith is sad. Looks up at stars. Santa Ronnie offers to show him something better… (okay, really hopeful here, guys!)

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:14 am

I’m sure Santa Ronnie is hotter than the guy with the RV anyway.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:14 am

OH, but Ronnie is all like WAIT YOU ARE A STRANGER. Literally says, “Ever heard of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?”

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:14 am

definitely

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:14 am

Oh, sorry that was Keith. Who manages to get over it.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:15 am

Good safety, Keith

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:15 am

Alert: there is now hand-holding while walking under the canopy of stars.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:15 am

Wow, okay, this is a slow build, we’re pointing out constellations now.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:15 am

This is kind of disappointingly sweet and romantic GET TO THE BANGING ALREADY

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:15 am

no wonder it’s novel length

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:16 am

This monster sex is old-fashioned and charming

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:16 am

I mean frankly it’s probably what my erotica would write like – I’m just so damn polite, have to make sure everyone is doing ok, take time to look at the canopy of stars, etc, etc

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:16 am

…And a year later, they married and had sex.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:16 am

Ah! Finally! They’re laying down to stare up at the stars and we have some hands on thighs… and….. “Ronnie unbuttoned and unzipped Keith’s pants.”

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:17 am

That is some rapid escalation.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:18 am

Inded! We now have hands “dipping” into Keith’s pants. “He pulled Keiths dick and balls free and stroked them lightly at first.”

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:18 am

this is an excerpt, so it probably happened over like 20 pages, tbh

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:18 am

I like the idea of caretaking erotica tinlizzy

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:18 am

WHERE ARE THE MONSTERS

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:18 am

tinlizzy, aren’t we all, in a sense, monsters?

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:18 am

Keith is breathing hard, but taking the time to admire Ronnie’s hair “a light orange-red.” And, in the total darkness is able to see that Ronnie’s res are blue (or green)…

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:19 am

ali-davis you know that’s out there somewhere already

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:19 am

Ronnie’s what are blue?

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:19 am

Eyes!

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:19 am

Caretaking erotica in the fanfic world is tagged “hurt-comfort” and it is a HUGE subgenre of slash. /nerd

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:20 am

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF naomi-kritzer I AM NO MONSTER. ok maybe a little bit monster.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:20 am

If that’s what you’re into, you will find enormous libraries of it. Billions of words.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:20 am

We have dick stroking, moaning, and some kissing. Ronnie’s jacket is coming off. Aw, this is cute! “They laughed and started pulling off their own clothes.”

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:20 am

Like a hundred eyes? I want monsters

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:20 am

Aww

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:20 am

Anyway back to Ronnie’s eyes, I keep waiting for some hint that Ronnie is actually some sort of monster, but blue/green eyes are not anything interesting.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:21 am

Cock out before jacket off is hilarious to me.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:21 am

Priorities!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:22 am

“His eyes roamed over his new friend’s body. His muscular body was covered in beautiful red curly hair… they seemed like muscles earned through manual labor…” Our first clue this is supernatural?? No gym body???

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:22 am

Not unless the blue/green eyes blink a nictitating membrane or pupils go to slits

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:22 am

“Ronnie’s hard cock pressed against Keith’s lower abdomen. Then Ronnie dropped to his knees.”

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:22 am

I’m surprised the jacket is coming off at all – I mean, cocks don’t need to come out by way of jacket removal, as is well known to be fact.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:23 am

Maybe the author just finds redheads inherently spooky.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:23 am

GINGERS ARE TERRORS AS IS PROVEN FACT

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:23 am

It’s really cold outside right now so if I were going to have sex outside, I would definitely keep my jacket on.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:23 am

More supernatural stuff?? “Ronnie’s head started bobbing back and forth along the length of the hard shaft. He seemed so hungry.” Hungry??

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:23 am

Not all of us are doctors, tinlizzy .

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:24 am

We have a pretty well described blow-job here. Including a cum shot that “mingled with the fine ginger hairs that populated his chest.”

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:24 am

Urgh.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:25 am

Time for some wet naps!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:25 am

Keith is ready to go anal with Ronnie, but offers… a CONDOM. And then we actually have a sexy condom going on scene… (will wonders never cease??!)

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:25 am

Wet and sticky in the cold, damp woods…

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:26 am

Hurray for sexy condom-going-on scenes!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:26 am

Oh! But we’re using spit lube, so… (ouch.)

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:26 am

I approve of erotica that makes safe sex, consent, and birth control sexy!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:26 am

This book is so polite!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:26 am

But there’s a little prep which I don’t think Tingle has ever written.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:26 am

nice – polite AND ethically/personally responsible erotica!

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:26 am

Yay consent boo spit lube WHERE ARE THE MONSTERS OMG.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:26 am

naomi-kritzer Same!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:27 am

Same!

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:27 am

Given how Tingle writes anal, I’m not only skeptical that he has a penis but I’m sort of dubious that he owns a butt.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:27 am

Hahahahaha!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:27 am

Right? No monsters, but you know, we get nice romantic lines like how Ronnie’s “…dick fit snugly, like it belonged there.”

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:29 am

I like the hand-in-glove dick-in-anus notion – well said writer!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:30 am

I mean, we also get a lot of description like, “Ronnie pushed in as afar as he could go and then pulled back slowly but didn’t withdraw completely before pressing it back.” And there is a lot of “Oh yeah,” and “This is how I like it.”

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:30 am

Erotica so courteous, it’s SCARY!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:30 am

So far this is charming.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:31 am

We get this for a finale, “A few seconds later, he came. He went rigid and then bucked against Keith as his spunk shot into the rubber. Ronnie collapsed across Keith’s back but kept stroking Keith’s dick.”

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:31 am

It’s delightfully so other end-of-the-spectrum from being pounded in the butt by a bus cock!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:31 am

But there had better be AT LEAST a werewolf-tentacle monster.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:31 am

a vampire bus cock, that is. Which – don’t get me wrong is beloved of us all!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:32 am

No disrespect to Mr. Tingle!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:32 am

Okay, seriously, this is the most polite sweet/romantic erotica I have ever read, because we this: “They wrapped their arms around each other. Keith looked up at the stars again. This had been the most fun he’d had in a long time.”

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:33 am

Okay, then Keith falls asleep end of excerpt, but I’ll have page forward and see if Keith figures out he’s been ghost fucked (or even if he was.)

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:33 am

Aww. The way to a man’s sexy monster banging is through his heart.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:33 am

Yeah, I mean, this is sweet and charming and hot, but I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE MONSTERS.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:34 am

OK, I don’t know if he’s figured it out, but he just woke up and realized he never took his socks off for sex (which makes him a man after my own heart.)

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:34 am

Oh, at least there’s no sign of any activity. EVEN THE CONDOM HAS DISAPPEARED. ooOOoooooOOOOOooooo

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:34 am

Normally that would be a point reduction for me, but we are in the woods. It just seems like good sense here.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:34 am

wait but who takes their socks off for impromptu sex in the woods?

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:35 am

Ghost condom!

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:35 am

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:35 am

Surely someone as courteous as Ronnie would pack out his condom.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:35 am

I sort of figured Ronnie for a park ranger and park rangers would surely clean up their condoms after sex and leave only footprints!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:36 am

And… now because this is a slow burn I don’t think Keith is going to figure out he’s been done by a ghost for several well-written, romantic pages….

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:36 am

Yes! Hardly supernatural!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:36 am

Damn you and your good storytelling! This was NO FUN.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:36 am

(Is there erotica called “Hardly Supernatural”?)

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:36 am

Dammit.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:36 am

HARD-ly supernatural. Sounds like it would write itself as a genre.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:37 am

BRB gonna go get rich.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:37 am

You could even call it HARD-ly supernatural full LENGTH.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:38 am

Okay, right, so what have we learned, people? Nice erotica is ZERO FUN. Needs MORE monsters.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:38 am

GENIUS!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:38 am

That was it?

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:38 am

No sperm-saving vampires?

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:38 am

This was probably a lot more fun to read than the badly written nonsensical stuff but it gave us a lot less material to riff on.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:38 am

so have we concluded that indeed nothing spookier happens here than sex-while-lost-in-the-woods-at-night?

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:38 am

No weredongs?

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:38 am

Well, technically there’s a couple hundred more pages, so that’s no doubt part of the problem here.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:39 am

I mean who was that mysterious ginger??

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:39 am

I basically want everything in monster erotica that is the opposite of what I actually want in life, yes.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:39 am

All we got was spectral spunk!

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:39 am

On the other hand, Chuck Tingle’s latest is “Slammed in the Butt by the Handsome Sentient Manifestation of Election Day” and anything related to the election is a no-go for me.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:40 am

yeah naomi-kritzer I’m with you – a bridge too far at this point

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:40 am

That sentient of election day had better be really goddamned handsome.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:41 am

besides – nothing can top the horrow show that was the Ted Cruz Christmas erotica…which was NOT Tingle iirc

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:41 am

Well, the good news there is that presumably at some point in the story, Election Day COMES.

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:41 am

I was done after sparkly unicorn Bernie Sanders, myself. But that Cruz one was epic…

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:41 am

I read Cruz-Rubio erotica for an assignment and I am still scarred.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:41 am

No, the Ted Cruz thing wasn’t Tingle.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:42 am

naomi-kritzer buh-dum-bum!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:42 am

OK, this spooky erotica was so courteous that it was not courteous because it left all of us unsatisfied. SPOOKY PARADOX!!!!

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:43 am

Truth.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:43 am

yes – I just feel sort of gently snuggled. NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR THIS MORNING

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:44 am

I know right? It’s sad that I’m like… needs more non-consentual tentacles…

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:44 am

(that said – props to the authors for their polite, condom-responsible erotica!)

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:44 am

Same. My horrible brain is like “Dragon cock at LEAST.”

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:44 am

Yeah, I mean, I’d say that if someone actually wants to read something erotically charged and enjoyably sexy, this would be a great pick.

Naomi Kritzer October 31, 201610:45 am

If you’re looking for “so bad it’s funny,” keep looking.

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:45 am

(Yes! Props to this lightly spooky but sweet and responsible world!)

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:45 am

AND WORSE IT WASN’T EVEN BADLY WRITTEN. What is wrong with these authors!???

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:45 am

Just some dumb old well told fun. UGH.

tinlizzy October 31, 201610:47 am

Right? Assuming Polite Ginger Bear was a ghost fuck, i’m reminded of High Spirits. (anyone, anyone?)

Lyda Morehouse October 31, 201610:48 am

Welp, that was a bust. Last time I take a recommendation from an author I’ve met, damn it. I should have known it would be too good to mock!

Ali Davis October 31, 201610:48 am

Spooky Ginger Love: Rated Too Good to Mock by Bitter Empire!

Filed Under: Endings, Featured Tagged With: Danielle Summers, Kendall Morgan, Kissing the Golem, monster erotica, Spooky Ginger Love

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