Hamptons Locals Hate Fun

Bitter Newsroom Lawyer, News & Views 1 Comment

The local yokel powers that be in East Hampton are not happy at all. The media has reported that recently, village officials in the swank summer-weekend mecca have cracked down on “seemingly innocent and simple” special event requests from store owners such as giving out free snow cones, hanging balloons outside a storefront, serving wine at an art gallery opening, and hosting an a cappella performance on the balcony of a local jewelry store.

Explaining the motivation for the assault on all things amusing and summer-related, East Hampton “village administrator” Larry Cantwell explained that “the area is just trying to avoid a shift from civilized to circus-like.” While certain store owners have expressed their frustration with the officials’ apparent desire to return the village to its staid, small-town roots, Cantwell will have none of it. “I don’t see it as an issue of turning back the clock,” he said. “We have a core business area that is very desirable. We guard that beauty very jealously.”

While inside sources have confirmed that Cantwell and his posse of edict-wielding former potato farmers are busy guarding the area’s beauty very jealously, the question remains who exactly is guarding the millions of dollars the village has absorbed in the past couple of decades from those hoards of circus-like weekender-types having the audacity to try to have all that fun.  [NY Post]

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  • Anonymous

    Clearly the hazy Hampton’s landscape needed some brightening up and who doesn’t love a rainbow colored barbershop quartet?  Complete with balloons AND an oversized sno-cone!