I May Have Sex (Just Sex) With a Lady Partner

Ex-Bitter Columns, Lawyer 5 Comments

QI need some advice. I’m a fourth-year [male] associate at a big firm in New York. Here’s my dilemma: A not-so-cute female partner wants to have sex with me. I’m not making this up either. She flat-out came on to me last month at a firm party, and told me she was interested in a “just sex” relationship. No strings attached whatsoever. The good news, I guess, is that she’s in the litigation group, and I’m in the corporate group. So I never have to work with her. I’m not particularly attracted to her, but it might be worth it for story value. Am I an idiot for even considering this?

AYes. You’re an idiot. There’s no “story value” and shagging a “not-so-cute” female litigation partner. None. If you were proposing, say, Lady Gaga or Lindsey Lohan or even Katy Perry, I’d get it. Sort of. But to screw some law firm 4¼ for story value is pathetic.

My advice is to pretend the drunken, randy lass doesn’t exist. When you see her in the hallway, nod hello and keep moving. Bottom line: There are plenty of drunk, horny 4’s and 5’s running around New York who don’t work at your firm. Shag one of them instead.

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  • Er, no.

    Hmmmm.  Actually, in this economic environment, I might take her up on this.  Think of it as layoff insurance – if you’re screwing a partner and are laid off, you’ve got a nice retaliatory/wrongful termination suit all boxed up!  Of course, if you intend to stick around to actually try and make it at this firm, this could become a long term headache.

  • Son of Guano

    The response to your question is typical puritan fun busting.  Sleep with her, learn firm secrets (which you do not leak but save for later use if need be).  Have her refer litigation work that comes to corporate to YOU!  Make partner early! If it lasts, ask her if she’ll hire BL1Y, and marry Guano and have his children.

  • Bitter 3L

    Good advice.  Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.  Don’t sh*t where you eat.  And if it goes bad, you know word will get around, and then you’ve got a whole host of new problems.  However, I agree that if she was a LF7+, I’d make that happen for real, but then again, if she was hotter than doughnut grease, she’s probably not looking for nookie from an associate…just a consideration.

  • Guano Dubango

    Personally, I would agree to sleep with the partner, even if she was unattractive.  In my country, you must respect your elders, even if distateful.  The partner, being older, and also an authority figure, must be respected.  This means if she wants to have a young associate poke her, you must do so.  You must be careful not to impregnate the water buffalo, or you will have more than you bargained for.

  • Magic Circle Jerk

    I usually advocate not shitting where you eat, but this is different.

    A) She’s a partner

    B) It’s a shitty economy and people are getting laid off right and left.
    So sleep with her and you basically guarantee an extra six months of severance, if not total job security.

    Try and be discrete but get to it!