I’m a (gay) Summer Associate, and last week I hooked up with this freaky paralegal. We had sex and did lots of coke. Stupid, I know. But now I’m terrified he’s going to ruin my career. What if he tells someone? Should I get out in front of this and talk to my summer mentor? Please advise ASAP.
I’ve heard this before. Trust me. Well, sort of. First thing you need to do is shut your mouth and relax (not easy if you’re a coke head, I know) Then, you need to find your nasty paralegal shag-toy and let him know in the kindest way possible your encounter, while fun and memorable, was a one-and-done kind of thing. But be polite. And respectful. Then, remind him that you’re auditioning for a job this summer, that you owe 100K in student loans (even if you don’t), that you’re scared to death about the abysmal economy… and that he should keep your little drug-fueled sex romp confidential.
As for the drug thing, if it ever comes up, deny it. No matter what. Unless he has video footage, he can never prove it. But lay off the blow nonetheless. Not a great rap for an aspiring attorney.
One more thing, no matter how horny you get this summer, don’t hit up Mr. Paralegal with a late-night, intoxicated text asking if you can swing by, etc… First, it might cost you a permanent offer. Second, it could easily go viral and make you look like a jackass. Bottom line: There are lots of horny freaks out there, my man. Find one who doesn’t work at your firm. Unless you don’t care about your career. If that’s the case, have at it!