I Want Big Pay for Little Work

Ex-Bitter Columns, Lawyer 6 Comments

I’m a part-time student at a tier 4 school in Kentucky you’ve never heard of. I don’t have lofty aspirations, but I make really good grades and could probably crack a local large or mid-size firm. I’m going to be totally honest, though—I’m lazy. I don’t want to work 80 or even 60 hours a week. I have enough time pulling 40. But here’s the deal, I like money. I want to make as much as I can.  So, the question: After graduation, how do I make the most scratch for doing the least amount of work?

So let me get this straight: You go to a fourth tier school and want to make lots of scratch without working too hard.  Okay, I get it.  I think.  You’re like this really short kid I once knew who got cut from the eighth grade basketball team, yet wanted to play for the Boston Celtics—but didn’t want to practice.  The (only) good news here is: At least you’re honest about what you want (money) and what you don’t want (to work hard).

First off, you definitely shouldn’t work at a “real” law firm.  You’ll work too hard and won’t make enough “scratch.” So, if you want to be a lawyer, your best bet is to consider plaintiffs’ work.  In other words, become an ambulance chaser.  They’re more entrepreneurial than most attorneys—and if they’re successful, they make lots of cash.  Like millions.  Granted, it’s low on the prestige totem pole—but if you’re going to a no-name school in Kentucky, that’s probably not terribly important to you anyway.

If you want to do something nonlegal—which, by the way, would be my advice for someone who wants to make money without working hard—you might want to consider some sort of financial services sales position.  Doesn’t even matter what you sell—as long it costs a lot to buy.  Your hours will be 9 to 5, and your job will consist of taking clients to dinner, playing golf and yes, visiting the occasional strip club.

But know this, hombre: The easiest way to get rich is to work your ass off.  So my real advice is:  Either make money a less important goal, or make working hard a more important one.  Or marry rich.

Got a question for Ex-Bitter?  Email it to info@bitterlawyer.com.

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  • curious

    Wait, can we delve a little deeper into this “financial services sales position”?  Specifically, what steps do I have to take to land this job?

  • SuperTemp

    Could always try going In-house somewhere.

  • Former Associate

    You shouldn’t be a lawyer if you don’t want to work hard.  It is a client service industry that requires detailed and rigorous attention.  And you only learn by doing – so the less you do, the less you learn.  It is about being a professional.  As an attorney, you will have to work hard no matter your pay grade.

  • Al Dickman

    What a twerp.  Ask yourself, is there ANYONE who would pay a douchebag like you any kind of scratch just to have you stink up their toilets?  I doubt it.  There are enough hard workers who also use the shit box so they don’t need you to waste their water, toilet paper and soap.  Go home, figure out what–if anything–you are capable of doing and then go out and do it, remembering that no one is going to hire you just to have you in the office.

  • Anonymous

    you actually have to hustle in sales, especially in financial services.  go into compliance, 9 to 5-ish and really talk up the JD.  if you have any finance, go FINRA and be an examiner for 18 months.

  • Al Dickman

    Not a good suggestion.