Kicked in the Gut

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 14 Comments

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut after two consecutive all-nighters. I was working on some sort of financing deal (no clue what the transaction was really about). We’re in the middle of the closing, and I’m basically just proofreading and running errands. Like I said, I don’t even understand the basics of the deal. After two straight days—like 48 hours in a row—I finally sneak into my office and take a nap.  I mean, I hadn’t slept since early Monday morning, and it was now 4 a.m. Wednesday. So I lie down in my tiny office, close my eyes and fall asleep—until I felt a pain in my stomach. I snap my eyes open, and I see this five-foot-tall Southern wretch partner kicking me in my gut, yelling, “Wake up, wake up, we got work to do!” I think I need to quit. Soon. If the partner were a man, I think I might have killed him.

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  • Anonymous

    The female partner is a troll.  Like all trolls, there is some reticence to even label her female.  But if we must, we must.  You need not be civil to this troll in the future, however.

  • aussie bloke

    you should use your schlong mate.

  • 2L

    What job could possible be worth that horseshit?

  • 1L

    Sue her for battery!

  • Anonymous

    Regardless of political beliefs, Sarah Palin is THE only woman whose name will appear on the ballot come November and last week Oprah has denied the Drudge Report story that there’s talk of having Sarah Palin on Oprah. Then Oprah went even further slamming the lid on women’s empowerment and equal opportunity saying she’d have Palin on AFTER the campaign is over. What? Like a circus act? If the Republicans lose—here’s the dog and pony show they tried to pull off—ha ha. OR if they win, an exclusive coming out party…drum roll… “Here’s Sarah”…But Oprah won’t have any hand in helping the women’s cause before.

    Oprah’s done some amazing things in the name of humanitarianism, but in my book, this isn’t one of them.

    Why not give Palin prime time, airtime now? Let America see up close and personal, as only Oprah can do, what it’s like to be a woman making history running for Vice President in the post 9/11 world.  This is an incredible, historical presidential race is it not, with the first black man ever and the second woman VP candidate ever (Geraldine Ferraro was first in 1984) running for office. It gives hope that we are evolving as a species.

  • Former Associate

    That sucks.  No getting around it.

  • 2L

    Why don’t firms hire more , pay slightly less, and maintain good work environment? Seems like simple Economics. There is plenty of legal talent, no need squeeze that one associate when you could have two for the same price. I bet many would take the pay cut for quality and professionalism of legal experience that comes with it. But i am just at 2L…

  • Ex-BigLaw

    1L is right, you won’t be there for long anyway, sue the partner and the firm for battery and every other cause of action your slip and fall lawyer can think of.
    Hell, you probably won’t need to sue – they’re not going to want the publicity of a partner violently attacking an associate in the press and may settle quickly on a demand.

  • Anonymous

    You’re all so right!!  Suing the partner definitely seems like the right career option in this situation.  Who wouldn’t want to be known as “that guy?” The guy who sued his law firm’s partner for kicking him in the gut – not hard enough to harm him – just hard enough to piss him off to the extent of filing a law suit and flushing his reputation down the toilet.  Either this guy should stand up for himself and say something directly to her, or he should suck it up, submit a cathartic post to a website and move on.  Looks like he did the latter.  And I think that’s just fine.

  • Ex-BigLaw

    Nonsense.  He would never be known as “that guy” because the case would never see a courtroom, if it was even filed at all.  Christ, you think being an associate is worth being physically assaulted, and that people would hold it against him for suing someone for an act of actual battery?!  Your priorities are way, way out of whack, as is your sense of the power and influence of individual lawyers and firms.

  • Anonymous

    My portfolio has lost 30% of its value in the last 6 weeks.  I would shove a broom stick up this partners’ twat.

  • NCLawyer

    Why is there a comment about Sarah Palin and the non-story about Oprah not letting her (or any running candidate) on the show until after the election? Can’t the Bitters That Be remove this irrelevant crap?
    Oh, and yes, Sarah Palin IS a circus act.

  • ILAtty

    You failed my friend, you should have immediately kicked the shit out of her and then blamed her for waking you up during one of your Nam dreams.

  • Nemesis

    Option 1: “No, you have work to do. I have sleep to get. I’ve been up for 48 hours doing work, and quite frankly, if we had started this earlier / been staffed more adequately, I wouldn’t be sleep-deprived and battered by a partner.”
    Option 2: “Oh good, the other partners sent entertainment.”
    Option 3: “Sarah Palin?”
    Option 4: “Hey, Demi, think you can tone it down, because I feel pretty sexually violated by your foot, but I’m thinking a few hours of sleep will make me forget this ever happened.”
    But, no matter which option you choose, come in the next day wearing the “No Ma’am” shirt from ‘Married with Children’.