[Ed. Note: The following is again from Gianna Scatchell, the blogger behind LegallyNoted.com]
What’s essential to any busy, studying gal’s wardrobe? Leggings.
They can do no wrong as part of the perfect on-the-go outfit. What’s the one pair of pants that look great with everything from Uggs to stilettos? Leggings. Day time. Night time. Any time! During finals, it’s even acceptable to pair them with your college sweatshirt for a style a la Peg Bundy.
However, these devilish threads should come with a disclaimer: “Winter weather, law school stress, high-calorie snacks, needless carbs, lack of desirable sex partners and every variety of alcohol could make this the ONLY wardrobe item you can fit into.”
The forgiving, comfortable stretch of leggings deceive you into thinking that you’re not getting fat because they’re black—and therefore slimming. So, after you attack a bowl of chips and guac to eat your feelings over your upcoming property exam, leggings (and willful blindness) are like a best friend who deceives you into believing that your clothes are not getting tighter by the hour.
But before you know it, the day comes when you try to put on a different piece of lower-torso clothing—like, oh, I don’t know, an interview outfit, perhaps—and you realize that your fat-enabling leggings, the ones that were supposed to be your best freaking friend, have left you alone to squeeze into your sausage casing of a business suit. Then it carries over to every other ensemble you try and put on.
What’s your initial response? Reverting back to leggings, of course. Can’t break the cycle.
The other day, I thought about deviating from my legging-boot law school uniform and showing up to class in jeans. Woof! Huge mistake. It took a couple hops, tugs, grease, and a broken nail to get them on. Made me late for my lecture. So, what’s a girl to do?
Jeggings (AKA jean leggings) are the satanic co-conspirator of leggings. The basic message of jeggings is: “If you’ve used law school as an excuse to grow out of your True Religion’s and Rock & Republic’s from hot-ass undergrad days of yore, don’t worry. Just cram your expanding ass into a pair of $13 jeggings from Forever 21.”
How can my ass compete with the cheap comfort of jeggings? It can’t. My haunches, rivaling pre-diet Kim Kardasian’s, have left me disgusted and betrayed. And after my pants-suit button nearly launched off and put out an interviewing partner’s eye, I see no other logical choice than to end my affair with leggings.
Who knew these seemingly innocent extremity wraps could cause so much destruction?! Well, apparently not a single woman in law school. But, I feel the waves of change are upon us. We’re finally tuning in to the murmurs of our male law school counterparts. Unlike riparian rights, there is no dispute: Leggings kill. And a chair-ass revolution is about to begin.
Personally, I know my co-dependent, abusive relationship with them will be hard to overcome, so I put together an arsenal of butt-busting techniques. And I hope all law school ladies who are increasingly packing some J. in the tray will join in my salvo. (You know who you are. Just look down at your jeggings-clad legs. You’re better than that.)
1. WORKOUT REGIME
Running on a treadmill makes me feel like a hamster, so I mix things up to stay entertained. Try pole dancing or Kim Kardashian: Fit In Your Jeans by Friday: Butt Blasting Cardio Step.
2. EATING HEALTHIER
Supplement with Chromium, which allegedly stops sweet cravings, if necessary.
3. QUIT DRINKING SMARTER DRINKING
Oh the empty calories involved in a night of blowing off steam. (Ready to throw up your Lean Cuisine? Here is a list of the average calories in alcoholic beverages.) To burn off just one Pabst Blue Ribbon, I’d have to do any of the following: 31 minutes of walking, 13 minutes of jogging, nine minutes of swimming or 17 minutes of cycling.
My friends and I drink Skinny Bitch Margaritas now when we go out. Light on calories, big on flavor.
1 part Silver Tequila
1 part Club Soda
Splash of Saint Germain
4. COFFEE—NOT COFFEE DRINKS
If drinking plain coffee just isn’t possible for you, Starbucks has a lighter-side menu with a bunch of options for lesser-calorie drinks that still pack loads of caffeine.
5. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, RESORT BACK TO LEGGINGS