The Law School Ten

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Remember Day One of Orientation your 1L year? Scanning the crowd, making instant appearance-based judgments about your future classmates? Probably thought a handful of them were fairly attractive, comparatively speaking? A few weeks later, after a couple rounds of cold calls and a couple more rounds at the bar, you may have found yourself wondering how that person ever caught your eye.

Enter the concept of the Law School Ten. The Law School Ten, simply put, is someone who is physically a 10, but probably only in law school. The basic formula is Real World Score + 2 = Law School Score. A Real World 8 is a Law School 10.

This got me thinking about the “appearance plus” version of the Law School Ten. Aside from looks, what else goes into the making of a Law School Ten? While there are more specific factors for each sex, (for example: is she only into you because she knows you’ve got a job after graduation? Is he capable of doing his own laundry/dry cleaning?) my generic guide can be found below.

Start with your Real World Score, add two, and then answer these questions. Or, make a game of it. Partner up, tally each other’s scores, and see what you get.

Category One: Class Contributions

1. Are you a gunner? If yes, subtract two.

2. If you are not a gunner, how often do you contribute in class? If you have to think about that answer because you’re trying to count that high, you may be a gunner and not know it. If you have to ask your friends about this, subtract two.

However, if you contribute once a week or less, and your contributions are meaningful, add one to your score.

3. Do you take one for the team and volunteer when the room becomes that lethal silence immediately preceding the professor cold calls someone? If yes, add one.

If you are that guy that insists on dragging the class through elaborate hypothetical adventures even bar examiners don’t dream up, subtract two. And see questions one and two.

Category Two: Sense of Humor

4. Do you have one?

5. Is it at least close to appropriate?

6. If it’s inappropriate, is it at least as amusing as it is improper?

If yes to any of these questions, add one to your score.

7. Do you try to make case-related jokes?

8. Have you ever created a “legal pick up line”?

9. Do you shout out obnoxious jokes in class?

If yes to any of these questions, subtract one point for every question you answered yes to.

10. Do other people actually think you are funny, or are you the only one laughing at your jokes? This is a trick question. Most law students laugh at their own jokes. Add/subtract 0 points.

Category Three: Relationship Status.

11. Have you previously dated another law student? Subtract one.

12. If you’re interested in someone and you’re calculating their score, have they dated one of your friends?

(Note: friend means actual friend, not a classmate acquaintance)

If yes, and you’re still thinking of getting involved with them, subtract one for each of you, unless you got the all-clear first. This may be law school and the dating market may not be oversaturated, but traditional rules of “girl code” and “guy code” don’t allow for involvement with friends’ ex partners/love interests/booty calls without prior “approval”, and law school only lasts three years. The potential friendship damage and/or reputation as a shady friend may last a lot longer.

13. Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, add/subtract 0, as this has no bearing on your attractiveness level.

14. Are you currently single? If yes, add one for your availability.

15. If your answers to #13 and #14 were anything other than “yes” or “no,” subtract two. Those were the only two correct answers. The traditional law school “it depends” should not have appeared anywhere.

Category Four: Overall Intelligence

16. Do you consistently correctly use your/you’re and their/they’re/there? If yes, add one. If no, subtract two.*

17. Are you “law school smart,” meaning you’ve figured out how to take law school exams and seem prepared in class? Add one. If nothing else, your grades may help you get a job.

18. If yes to #17, if you often “casually” bring up grades, class rank, spot on the Dean’s List, etc., subtract two for the annoyance you cause everyone else.

19. Are you real world smart? Do you interview well? Have you gotten positive feedback on legal work in your job/internship/externship/clerkship? Do you have some other skill set? Add two for having (hopefully) marketable skills.

20. Finally, subtract three for anyone that voluntarily chose law school in this legal market and economy. Subtract one more if they came without any kind of scholarship, grant, trust fund, tuition credit, fellowship, pot of gold, etc.

Many people may come out higher than a 10, even without the initial +2. That’s fine. This is law school, and just like every other “grade,” this one is on a curve.

*author pet peeve. Long live my English major.

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  • Mr. Law School

    Great post!

  • Ellen

    My college boyfriend, Frank, says I was a “9” and that was even before I did anything sexeually with him. Did that make me a Law school “11”? All the men wanted to sleep with me, but I did NOT do anything with them. I am not married, so FOOEY! Mabye I should have b/c I am still considered a law beauty.

    • Michelle Beth

      Ellen, Can I be Frank with you ?

  • Ellen

    Very funny. If I am thinking what I think you are thinking I do NOT want any of that. You may be a nice person, but I am interested in getting MARRIED to a Man and haveing my OWN child WITH him . You can NOT do that for me. I do NOT realy like what men do OTHERWISE, but I need them to procreeate with me, and that is what I want. A CHILD. My child, with HIM. Sorry.

  • Beth

    If you spell “having” with an e, subtract 4– 2 for stupidity and 2 for apathy

    • Guano Dubango

      Beth, are you attractive, fertile and available?

  • Evil Lawyer

    Guano: At UCLA we learned a valuable rule: “Attractive, fertile and available,” pick any two.

    • Eliana

      For the ladies, we use Nice, Smart, and Hot.

      You can have any two, but:

      Nice and Smart = Nerd
      Smart and Hot = Asshole
      Nice and Hot = Dumb

      The trifecta is a gay man.

      • Guano Dubango

        I do not care about smart, as long as she has a JD. This is a requirement from my Aunt Ooona. All I require at this point is someone that is attractive enough for me to have sex with frequently for procreative purposes. She MUST be able and willing to bear me issue, and not have any “baggage”. While smart is good, I will still marry a woman who is not smart, but fertile and attractive enough so that I am able to fertilize her on a regular basis. Are there any such attractive women out there? So far I have not been able to find an attractive fertile and available JD. Either they are unattractive (about 80%) and of the 20% that are attractive, most are not available, and the rest have already peaked from a fertility perspective. I do not want to marry an attractive JD who is not able to bear me issue.