Is It Okay for a Lawyer to Marry Another Lawyer?

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Q: As a lawyer, would you marry another lawyer? I just started law school and it seems to me that being married to another lawyer would be a match made in hell.

A: For starters, I’m wondering whether what you’re really saying is that all of the guys in your law school class are terrible and it would be hell to marry any of them. If so, I can sympathize completely. The guys in my law school class were literally some of the least attractive and most repulsive men on the entire planet. I hadn’t met many lawyers prior to starting law school (if I had, I wouldn’t have gone to law school in the first place), so the guys in my class were my first introduction to the wholly off-putting and vaguely gross world of male lawyers. Which means that, by the end of the first semester of my 1L year, I was convinced that marrying a lawyer would be a fate worse than death. God, just thinking about those guys makes my skin crawl. They were either: (i) asexual milquetoasts; (ii) Vineyard Vines-wearing Turd Fergusons who tried way too hard to appear effortlessly preppy; or (iii) imperiously argumentative dorks. Oh, and the lone few who didn’t belong in any of those categories were engaged – to nasty, jealous, bitchy girls who glared at you constantly when they were brought to post-finals happy hours.

That being said, you’re also correct that being married to another lawyer would be a match made in hell if you’re the type that constantly and triumphantly announces that you decided to become a lawyer because you love to argue. If that describes you, then yes, it would be absolute, unmitigated hell for you to marry another lawyer. And it wouldn’t just be hell for you and him. It would be hell for anyone unlucky enough to be forced (either by blood or contract) to spend time with the two of you. Nothing makes for a more insufferable evening than listening to a married couple bicker. But it’s a million times worse when the husband and wife are sniping at one another about insufferable things like grammatical errors, litigation strategies, and the logical extension of each and every point made by the other. You know that scene in Airplane where the old lady hangs herself while Striker is talking? That’s the image that immediately comes to mind when I envision two know-it-all lawyers heading down the aisle.

Come to think of it, no matter how you describe yourself and irrespective of what you do for a living, it’s a categorically bad idea to marry an “I love to argue” type of lawyer. Anyone forced to endure years of being reproached, corrected, patronized, mocked, scolded, and argued with will ultimately be driven insane – or, at the very least – into the arms of another. That’s the real lesson in all of this: next time you meet a lawyer and think you might like to ask him on a date, first ask him whether he likes to argue. If he says anything other than “no,” run to the nearest exit immediately. Deal breaker!

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  • Jill

    The guys are no bargains, but face it, we are not exactly bathing beauties either. I was considered one of the cutest women in my class, but now that I am out in the real world, very few men are interested in me. Why? Because I am a lawyer, and that equates to being a blood sucker. Guys want women that are soft and feminine, not someone that is going to beat the crap out of them in court or in bed. I am still somewhat attractive visually, but guys don’t want to put up with the kind of attitude I came to excel at in law school. It is simply not in our nature, as legal eagles, to be kind and sweet to guys. Instead, we must be argumentative and must win. Admittedly it’s a turnoff to guys, but at this point, I am not going to transform myself back into a demure Southern belle just to please men, because I have learned to make a living by being me. So if a guy wants to marry me, fine, but if not, screw ’em!

    • Henry

      I am not sure I’d want to be married to this beeotch, or even hump her. She claims to be cute, but I’d bet she’s really pretty ordinary and likely is stanky downstairs. She ain’t no Southern Belle, and she’s admitting it. At least they know how to give a good BJ.

    • Mean Partner

      You can’t fake being soft and feminine for 3 nights out of 7?

      • Luigi

        This broad is probably ugly as sin! No guy in his right mind would jump her bones!

  • Chris

    You know, as a male currently in law school I can’t agree fully with your post. I’m would say that I like to argue, but not about nothing. I also much prefer a civil discussion than an argument in the context of my relationship. This is my second career, and in my first I learned how to turn it on and off, so it’s very easy to steer someone into another conversation if I feel it’s to our mutual detriment to stay on a course to nowhere.

    I actually prefer challenging women. I like someone with a backbone, not a submissive who who lacks an opinion. If anything, I might need someone to keep me honest.

    My current girlfriend is not in law school, but she possesses many of these qualities and isn’t afraid to get into it with me if she feels it’s worth it. In general we get along pretty well and I’m very happy with her.

  • Birdfoot

    My wife’s a lawyer; so I am. I have loved her from the moment she began her cross-examination exercise on me in our first advocacy class, years ago at law school. I enjoy our arguments and debates immensely. I wouldn’t change her for the world.

  • Bobby Walker

    I know two lawyer who have been happily married for 30 years! Also know two lawyers who divorced after three years. You pays your money and you take your chances

  • Mr&MrsLaw

    As a married lawyer couple I can say that our marriage isn’t about our profession, it’s about the people in it. If being a lawyer is all that defines you, your marriage will probably suck no matter what your spouse’s profession.

  • http://www.thekoreanlawblog.com Sean Hayes

    I’m a lawyer and I do love women with her own opinion. At the same time, I would never marry another lawyer!

  • TexJudge

    Many human attributes have been shown to have genetic bases. For example, if you have one or more parents who were alcoholics you have a better chance of becoming an alcoholic.Intelligence and athletic ability also tend to be inherited. If one lawyer marries another that means their issue (a term I haven’t used since law school) are more likely to become lawyers and we are already overrun with lawyers. To paraphrase the great Chief Justice Oliver Wendel Holmes “two generations of lawyers is enough!”

  • Sharon Druker

    I am a business lawyer and have been very happily married to a commercial litigator for almost 17 years, whom I was with for 5 years before that, for a total of 22 (so far). I think the key is that we are complementary and not competitive. While neither of us hesitates to express his/her opinion, we happen to agree on most important things and are able to agree to disagree on the less important ones. I had only one date with another lawyer before meeting my husband, – he practiced in the same area as me and it was more of a job interview than a first date (ex., what was the biggest deal I had ever worked on, what was the latest I had stayed at the office, etc.), except that whatever I answered, he seemed to feel compelled to one-up me. I vowed off lawyers after that but accepted a blind date with my future husband notwithstanding and have never regretted it. Lots of lawyers are jerks, but not every jerk is a lawyer and not every lawyer is a jerk!