Lawyers Discover Clients Always Right. Always!

In a rather embarrassing admission, attorney Mark Klein has stated his clients are “always right.” It is a shocking statement to most lawyers. “I always thought clients were just mistaken when they said ‘my case is a clear cut winner,’ but, as it almost always turns out, they are correct,” stated the Sacramento solicitor. Klein states he has become a rich man, “all thanks to following the advice of my clients.”

Klein states the clients began about a year ago when Loretta Williams strolled into his office. “She called me and said she was injured by a heating blanket and ‘a guy who knows the law real well’ told her she will win millions off of it.” The guy, who usually can be found hanging around at high school parties despite being 32, informed Williams that just because she tried to use the blanket as a towel after getting out of the bathtub didn’t matter. He said, “If you get left with a burn, you gonna get money you didn’t earn.” Using that tagline, Klein did win money. $5.5 million to be exact.

A month later, Klein says it happened again. A client walked in on a D.U.I. charge but said, “there was no way he was that drunk.” He only had two pitchers of beer in about an hour and he was eating dinner, explains Klein. The client had been told by a frat brother that if you show up drunk to the trial and request to take another breathalyzer, then the first one will be thrown out.  Out of options, Klein had his client drink a MD 20/20 before going in front of the Honorable Peter Peters. When Klein’s client requested to take another breathalyzer he blew a .21. “I thought both he and I were going to be held in contempt,” Klein said, “but the Judge Peters just shrugged his shoulders towards the prosecutor and said the case would have to be dismissed.” According to Klein, the prosecutor didn’t even try to argue the decision but he did unfriend Klein on Facebook.

Last month was the biggest surprise for Klein. A client was evicted after refusing to pay rent from his apartment. The client told Klein she read on an Internet message board that you couldn’t be evicted so long as you sent the landlord a paper with the letters, “I.O.U.” on it. Out of options again, and after numerous nudging elbows from his client, Klein uttered the Internet insight at the hearing. “It was unreal,” Klein said, “the judge immediately banged the gavel and dismissed the case. I have never seen anything like it in my 22 years as an attorney.”

Klein is not alone in this discovery. Marissa Brooks, of Springboro, Georgia, admitted simply asking her clients what they think the law is often is better than what she can find on Lexis and Westlaw. “It seems crazy, but I often find better information on Twitter than I do in a treatise,” explained Brooks. In a motion for Summary Judgment last month, Brooks simply tweeted, “ne1 no vest time 4 da Rule against Perp #lawyerprobz #futureinterest #vesting.” According to Brooks, her answer was retweeted back to her within 10 minutes. “A former client, @katkrazy77, tweeted that its 2013 and nobody cares about vest anymore,” stated Brooks. Out of time, Brooks copied that into her S.J. and won a huge inheritance for her client. “Ever since then I always ask my clients for help whenever I am writing a memorandum,” Brooks stated. She later added “Its my best #protip.”

“The Internet has given lay people a wealth of legal knowledge,” states Thomas Cooley law professor Ivana Behanan. The professor stated that memes and .gifs are likely to take over the legal profession in the next 20 years. “If the ‘rule of law’ isn’t written next to a cat wearing a tie, then most juries will not believe it,” remarked Behanan. She also noted, “No worries though, just because people do not need attorneys doesn’t mean Cooley will stop producing 1000 a year.”

Post image via Meme Generator.

  • Lisa

    It’s about time someone starting telling the truth about things! I have also learned that people who watch crime TV shows are also particularly knowledgeable about criminal law and procedure. However, hands-down, more than any individual client, it’s the client’s jail cellmate who inevitably knows more law than all other people combined.

  • Jewel Johnson

    The January 07, 2010 Summary Disposition, page 2 according to Attorney Jeanne Barron says “ plaintiff Ms. “X” alleges that, on September 18, 2008, she slipped and fell on accumulated ice on a sidewalk in the condominium complex. (See Plaintiff’s Complaint, paragraphs 17 and 18)” The summary disposition stated inaccurate information. Plaintiff, Ms. “X” did not slip and fall on accumulated ice on the sidewalk in the condominium complex on September 18, 2008; this is not stated in the complaint, paragraph 17 and 18, Case No. GC 09 1653. How about that!!! A Michigan practicing lawyer – thirty years – Inept, Incompetent and Obtuse. She may be an active attorney in good standing with the Michigan State Bar Association but still inept, incompetent and obtuse, still fat and looks like a man. The maintenance staff of two, Robert Bob Piech and Thomas Blanding appeared on defendant’s preliminary lay and expert witness list offered by their attorney Jeanne Barron. None of the board members (Shiawassee Condo Association) were listed ONLY Piech and Blanding who are somewhat illiterate and only maintenance.

    Now, now Barron via the professional networking site tells us that she is senior attorney at Rafftery, Janeczek and Hoelscher (Farmington Hills, MI), a six-person injury insurance defense and litigation. She’s a senior attorney at Raftery, Janeczek and Hoelscher, P.C. (Farmington Hills, MI). That’s what she said. Raftery, Janeczek and Hoelscher, P.C. via facebook says its mission is to hire the most skilled attorneys. . . . the firm and its attorneys are highly regarded by clients and the legal community. She, Barron is a skilled attorney on staff as Raftery, Janeczek and Hoelscher (Farmington Hills, MI). She, Barron and the firm are highly regarded by clients and the legal community. That’s what they say via Facebook. LOL