A Layperson’s Interpretation of Legal Terms

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Rule 26. Don’t put your elbows on the table.

Voir Dire. Generic term for fatty, gamey French food, often blamed for indigestion. Whoa, that voir dire did a number on my bowels.

eDiscovery. A children’s educational program used to teach the importance of vowels.

Plaintiff. A digital image file with no content.

Pretrial Appearance. Grooming efforts made just prior to entering a courtroom.

Request for Admission. A British idiom meaning “I’d like a ticket.”

Movant. Last person to use the restroom. We all knew that Uncle Jenks was the true movant that morning.

Unliquidated Claim. A draft beer that is ordered but not yet poured or tapped.

Motion to Strike. A fake bunt; also, a phrase commonly used in police reports. I observed the suspect make a motion to strike, then I shot him.

On the Record. Snide reference to a song that sucks but is otherwise part of an album; the 12th song on an album. Yeah, Lil Wayne’s “Romance” was on the record, that’s all I’m saying.

Felony Murder. Worse than misdemeanor murder; murder that likely involves jail time.

Bench Trial. A euphemism to indicate an athlete’s suspension, typically in baseball. Also known as “going A-Rod.”

Frivolous Lawsuit. A lawsuits that a lawyer files for fun and entertainment; see also, jolly lawsuit.

Civil Action. A romantic liaison on Downton Abbey.

Shutterstock image: Think Positive Concept

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