It’s the end of the week. Pull up a seat at the bar and learn about the world’s slowest police chase, Amish Gone Wild, and the northern Virginia edition of Weinergate, in which the accused says “it’s not my penis.” Plus, avoid saying “Yadda Yadda Yadda” in court. Or defecating on the steps outside of a classroom. It’s the happy hour law review for Friday, October 7, 2011.
1In what’s being deemed the world’s slowest police chase, a great-grandmother in England has been banned from driving for a year because she led police on a 27 mile chase with her car at speeds up to, well, 27 miles per hour. It ended when an officer ran alongside her car and yelled for her to pull over. | Herald Sun
2It’s Amish Gone Wild, Steubenville edition. The sheriff’s office in Jefferson County, Ohio, is investigating attacks by a group of “religious castoffs” who have been “attacking fellow Amish, cutting off their hair and beards in an apparent feud about spiritual differences.” So far, only minor injuries have been reported. | Chillicothe Gazette
3A candidate for sheriff in northern Virginia sent a lewd text, with a picture of a penis, to a woman who is allegedly part of his campaign. Lesson from Weinergate? Don’t deny it at first, which he’s not doing. Furthermore, he’s saying he’s not going to apologize. Wait, hold on, he’s also saying it wasn’t his penis. Carry on, that makes it hunky dory. | Washington Post Local
4Kevin Underhill at Lowering the Bar has another insightful post on how best to comport yourself at a court hearing. Today’s tip: don’t say “yadda, yadda, yadda” to the judge toward the end of your plea or explanation. And don’t call the judge “mate.” Use “your honor.” | Lowering the Bar
5With one lawmaker under fire for wanting to eliminate the ban on dwarf-tossing at Florida bars, why not take up replacing it with a new ban against “defecating at the entrance of a classroom.” Police are looking for a man in Ocala, caught on video urveillance “wearing glasses, a dress shirt and pants, and shoes . . . walking up the steps of the portable [classroom] with a roll of toilet paper in one hand. At the top, after hastily looking around, he drops his pants and defecates.” It’s the fifth incident so far. | Ocala.com