We want to bring you happy news, we really do. Funny happy news, at least on a Friday. But we end up finding things that are downright depressingly odd, things that make you chuckle at first but then gag a little bit later. So, we clean it up a little today and eliminate the usual crowd of dumb people doing really dumb things. Really fucked up things. Today, just teenagers making their own YouTube confessions, greased pig laws, freeing the banana man, and how not try to pull off a professional hit. It’s happy hour law review for Friday, September 23, 2011.
1Videotaped confessions have become the standard in many jurisdictions. And for some, it’s easier to make your own confession and post it online to make it more convenient for the police. As did a group of teenagers who videotaped running stop signs at high speed in Bakersfield, California. | KERO 23
2Gawker has a story out of Brazil with a reminder for hired hitmen out there: don’t fall in love with your target. But, if you do, just buy a couple of bottles of ketchup, squirt them all over the one you love, do the old knife between the arm and chest fake-a-roo, and take a picture to give to the person paying for the hit. Works most of the time. But not all the time. | Gawker
3Being from Minnesota ourselves, we were glad to get a reminder from Lowering the Bar that greased pig contests are still illegal here, as are turkey or chicken throws. Thanks, Kevin. | Lowering the Bar
4Remember “Free the Banana Man?” We highlighted the case of a 17-year-old autistic high school student who caused “mayhem” by running down the sidelines dressed in a banana suit during a high school football game. Principal goes nuts, students react, and “Free the Banana Man” t-shirts are born, worn, then confiscated by high school officials. Now? The ACLU gets involved. | Washington Post
5We’re not sure if we’re getting punked on this one or not, as it sounds too stupid to be true. A Canadian woman is suing Kraft Canada, the makers of Stride gum. The claim? The gum, known as the “ridiculously long-lating gum, got stuck in her dentures and she had to pull it out. According to news reports, the plaintiff suffered “a bout of depression that lasted 10 minutes” and is now seeking $100,000. | UPI