Legal Humor Roundup for November 9, 2011

Bitter Bartender Lawyer, News & Views 1 Comment

Lawsuit question of the day: is it cruel and unusual punishment to substitute meat with soy in prison meals? Plus, rescinding Herman Cain’s mustache, watching a smuggler’s bowel movements, going on a naked rampage, and using DNA evidence to prosecute “hotheads who hock loogies.” It’s the happy hour law review for Wednesday, November 9, 2011.

1It’s one thing to be monitored for suspicious smuggling activity. It’s yet another to have your every bowel movement earnestly watched. And for your attorney to report the number of number twos to the court. Lowering the Bar has the scoop. | Lowering the Bar

2A basketball player went on a naked rampage after being dismissed by the Fresno Pacific University basketball team. Call us juvenile, but we’re just amused by a headline that uses the phrase “naked rampage.” | Fresno Bee

3A Brooklyn district attorney is considering using DNA evidence to prosecute people who spit illegally. Or, as the New York Post puts it: “to prosecute expectorating hotheads who hock loogies on transit workers.” | New York Post

4A judge in Florida will apparently have to decide whether replacing 60-70 percent of meat in meals with “soy substitutes” is cruel and unusual punishment. Memo to file: don’t tell them about whibs. |

5And in time for Movember or Novembeard—depending on your perspective—the American Mustache Institute has rescinded its endorsement of Herman Cain for president, saying in part that “Cain’s mustache is not real, but actually a theater quality upper lip garment, and not the labia sebucula (Latin for “lip sweater”) he claims to have worn since his early 20s.” | American Mustache Institute


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  • Ellen

    I wonder if they are setting up that poor dude Herbert Dain, and isn’t it kind of like when Justice Thomas was being hit up with the acusations of pubic hair on the Coke can by the woman who said he was interested in her sexualy? I think it is sad. FOOEY! FOOEY I SAY! FOOEY!