It’s the international humor edition, with posts from Australia, England, and Italy, including theft of a Kinder Egg, assault with Excalibur, and driving while officing, literally. Plus, thank God we’re back in America because we’ve got a drunken assault happening at Little Sisters of The Poor and, in Florida, a lawmaker wants to see dwarf-tossing again in bars. It’s the happy hour law review for Wednesday, October 5, 2011.
1Police arrested a man in Australia for trying to stab them with a “King Arthur style” sword. He also used an arc welder to electrify a screen door that the police would have otherwise used to come into his house. According to police reports, the man was “extremely drunk.” | Canberra Times
2Traffic cops in England cracked down recently on distracted drivers, pulling over one man for driving while also working on his laptop and drinking coffee. According to the BBC, “Another man was seen eating a pear with a knife while driving while a third motorist was seen writing down the answers to a quiz on the radio.” Obviously, these guys need the new iPhone 4S, which apparently promises more hands-free
driving multitasking. | BBC
3More news out of Italy about crazy criminal shit. No, not about new American sweetheart Amanda Knox. This one is about the guy who allegedly took a Kinder Egg worth 1.04 Euro and is now facing trial for “theft and uttering abuse.” The defense attorney predicts acquittal, particularly because, as he alleges, his client was “wearing low-waisted jeans too tight to permit the introduction of a chocolate egg into the pocket.” Bonus headline: Chocolate Egg Jams Justice. | Corriere Della Serra
4This one’s funny on account of imagining cross-examination at trial. “And, so, Mr. Smith, you came to Little Sisters of The Poor at 4:00 p.m. and, while at Little Sisters of the Poor, you got drunk and assaulted a police officer? And this happened at Little Sisters of The Poor, a house run by nuns for the benefit of the elderly, is that correct?” | SomervillePatch
5Seems that people with dwarfism were doing fine for 22 years until Rep. Ritch Workman came around. He introduced a bill recently to repeal Florida’s ban on “dwarf-tossing” at bars. The current law prohibits recreational activity “involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfism” at any business selling alcohol on its property. Sounds pretty sound. Except Rep. Workman wants dwarf-tossing to make a comeback, he says, because all the current law did “was take away some employment from some little people.” Read the article if you want a surreal vision of the future. | The Current