This is probably not a surprise to you (reader of a snarky law blog) but lawyer jokes are universally beloved, especially by lawyers. In Clown College, lawyer jokes are taught on the first day. The original script of Blade Runner used lawyer jokes during the Voight-Kampff test. Even notable hater Tony Scalia can tell some damned good lawyer jokes.
Given the well-established precedent regarding the joviality provoked by lawyer jokes, it was probably unavoidable that this art form would eventually be encapsulated in a “meme.”
A meme of course is usually a one paneled text/picture combo. They were originally created by 4channers to make fun of people with Down Syndrome, but they have since been adopted by politicians and brands to pown their competition in the key advertising demographics. Memes by their very nature derive much of their humor from the simplicity of common wisdom, so it would make sense that they would serve as a vehicle for people looking to point gentle fun at the absurdity of this profession of ours. But while Facebook’s prominent “Lawyer Memes” group might SEEM like a great destination for office-fridge worthy lawyer #content, in reality this site has accomplished much more: it found a way to make lawyer jokes painfully unfunny.
For decades scientists thought that the simple, yet extraordinarily formidable “lawyer joke” formula could not be disrupted. By just sticking to the premise of [set up] + [lawyer]= immoral or incompetent result, even the lamest district attorney could tell a lawyer joke at a child’s funeral and get a few genuine chuckles. But in 2015 the good folks behind Lawyer Memes proved that there was a limit to what could be objectively considered funny by the low-ass threshold of Internet humor.
But despite my (many) letters asking for the bar discipline committee to start taking people to task for producing these ridiculously lazy and obvious works of putridity, none of the anonymous losers behind this site have been disbarred (for this at least). So given the regulatory void, we here at Bitter Lawyer are going to try these shmucks in absentia for their crimes against hilarity.
PEOPLE’S EXHIBIT A: OJ and that gymnast from a few years ago
I mean Jesus. Look at this awful piece of shit. Even Jay Leno hasn’t told an OJ joke since 2011. What is McKayla disapproving here? Is she disagreeing with the verdict, because if so, why is she with the defense? Why not just toss in a Grumpy Cat or three while you’re at it. Also was this made in MS Paint?
Punishment: 1-year suspension of license plus 1000 hours of watching all the Danny Devito scenes in The Rainmaker.
PEOPLE’S EXHIBIT B: That guy from the movie that even millennials now pretend didn’t happen
Ahh yes the esoteric pitfalls of climbing the corporate ladder in BigLaw, something all lawyers can relate to in the nightmare of trying to climb out of student loan debt via unpaid post-graduate internships. That said, the authors did reference a movie that was made in this century, which is a small improvement over the OJ meme.
Sentence: 82 hours of continuing vaudeville-based legal re-education:
PEOPLE’S EXHIBIT C: How fucking dare you, LawyerMemes
There is one cultural taboo no lawyer, no matter how lacking he or she is in morality or good taste, dares to break: laughing at someone failing the bar. Even the retrograde conservative pundits I follow on Twitter wished me luck on my results. Kicking someone while they’re down is just brutally cruel, and to do so by bungling a Simpsons reference is unforgivable.
Sentence: death by catapult