Loose Ends, 11-22-08

Bitter Staff Lawyer, News & Views 4 Comments

Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom:

Louisa C. Tuck, a.k.a. ‘Crystal Gunns’ (you can Google her on your own), is a porn star-cum-elementary school recess monitor in New Jersey.  Parents (presumably mothers) are dialing up pressure to have her fired, but lawyers are advising the district that they have no grounds to do so, which means doin’ it would be barely legal.  No wonder kids are suing teachers when they cancel recess.  (Loose Ends, 11-21-08) []

BigLaw = BigLoss this year—at Cravath at least.  “Salaried lawyers at Cravath, Swaine & Moore, the second-most profitable U.S. law firm, will receive as much as 73 percent less in bonus pay this year.” But I guess it depends on whether you’re a 73% empty or 27% full type of person.  [Bloomberg]

Test takers have been quaking in their boots since their earth-moving bar exam back in July, but yesterday the State Bar Association of California published their results.  Please accept our blanketed “Congrats” or “You’ll get um next time, Tiger” as appropriate.  (And for the latter: I Failed the Bar) []

Things to note: Tipping off a pimp lands you in jail for eight years.  [The Evening Sun]

And finally, here are a few entertaining ways to work out all the bitter this weekend…

The Movie:

Tell the vamp-y Twilight tweens to get over themselves; see the documentary Harvard Beats Yale 29-29[Los Angeles Times Blog]

The TV Show:

We’re split.  Jack Bauer begins serving a new President on Sunday (not because he accepted an Obama cabinet job) with the return of 24 in the form of a two-hour TV movie.  But it will conflict with hilarious homeboy Stephen doing A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All.  Regardless, it’s certain you won’t be watching ABC’s Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money or Eli Stone anymore.  [Newsweek | Boston Herald | Los Angeles Times]

The Music:

Not sure which is more of an oxymoron: “Chinese Democracy” or “Guns N’ Roses’ new album.” [Washington Post]

The Book:

The Tipping Point and Blink author Malcolm Gladwell writes about “men and women so accomplished, so extraordinary, they puzzle the rest of us” in his new release Outliers: The Story of Success.  Not sure there’s much in there that an accomplished creature like you doesn’t already know, but it’s maybe worth a look.  [Houston Chronicle]

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  • Madge

    As a former Skadden legal assistant, let me be the first to say I’m thrilled that you beleaguered junior associates finally have your own web site.  With sadness I recall how we, the night staff, were genuinely concerned about you.  How depressed you all were!  How neurotic, how angry and yes, how bitter you poor associates seemed to us.  Did I mention misguided?  And just, forgive me, pitiful?  Did you know that as we, stoned, proofread your Indemnification Agreements and Letters of Being and Nothingness, we wept with sorrow for your barren souls?  Now I see that you know how empty your lives actually are – which is fantastic!  Self-awareness is the first step to recovery.  Or it might just be more pathetic.  I’m not sure which.  Anyway, best of luck and cheers.  – A SASM&F;refugee.

  • Anonymous

    Gladwell is a hack, but I can’t help to read everything he puts out

  • Bitter Boy

    Wow, I think I love you, Madge.  Nice post.  I always wondered what people like you were thinking while proofing the stupid docs we were drafting… Good to know you think we’re losers too.

  • Alex Hump

    What do these comments have to do with those bazongas?