Obviously, making fun of our own profession is pretty much our brand identity, so we’re totally thick-skinned about people who are not lawyers making fun of us too. Turns out that some people aren’t nearly as resilient as we are, however, so someone at an organization we’ve never heard of – the American Lawyers Public Image Association (ALPIA) – invented “Love A Lawyer Day” and that day, you lucky lucky people, is today. And oh god, is this concept embarrassing. From the actual factual press release these people sent out:
On this day, the public is asked to let their favorite legal eagles know how much they love and appreciate them. “Call your attorney and say Happy Lawyer’s Day! or thanks for a doing a great job, or even send a gift, flowers or a card,” Anise says. “Lawyers are always painted as the bad guy, even if they pull off some crazy Houdini-esque maneuvers to help their clients. We’re hoping this day will spark public interest in commending lawyers rather than condemning them.”
And don’t even think about bad-mouthing lawyers on Love Your Lawyer Day – that is, unless you’re holding a wad of cash. Not only is lawyer bashing a big no-no and considered in poor taste, but anyone unable to bridle his tongue from verbally jabbing lawyers (late-night talk show hosts take note) is being asked to donate a $20“fine” per joke to the charity of his choice.
Yes, we’re very certain that all the non-lawyers out there will not only shower us with gifts but will also stone cold pony up cash to a charity for making fun of us.
Did it never occur to these people that part of our bad rap is that we’re greedy narcissists? And demanding that people give us treats just for doing our job is probably not the best way to engender love from the public? The day tries to offset this by telling us that in return we should all do an hour of pro bono work, but you know we’re not going to…because we’re greedy narcissists.
Listen. We know everyone hates us. We know all the stats about how the only people more disliked than lawyers are CEOs and maybe people that actually assassinate other people for a living. We’re the cartoon villians of the work world. We are literal psychopaths. But guess what? Most of us actually don’t care. We’re either too busy rolling around in piles of money or figuring out how to NOT be lawyers, and both of those things are full-time gigs. so we’ll take a pass on this Snuggle A Lawyer For Charity day or whatever the hell it is.
[Post image via Shutterstock]