News Update: Food Fights End in Deaths

Pork Steaks vs. Pork Chops  

John Cunningham shot and killed his uncle, Lessie Lowe, with a shotgun over an argument about pork steaks. The men were arguing over whether the cuts of meat they were planning to cook were pork steaks or pork chops. Cunningham said they were steaks. Lowe said they were chops. Cunningham, who was correct, proved his point with a shotgun.

I don’t want to be “that guy” but I’ve never heard of a pork steak. Sure, it is sad that this guy died, but Cunningham was right. They were eating pork steaks. That has to count for something right? This happened in St. Louis . . . they take their pork seriously.  That probably is a legal defense in St. Louis. “Your Honor, sure it is wrong to kill someone but it was a pork steak.” Boom. Not Guilty. (As opposed to Shotgun Boom to the face).

Cheesy Fries Kill

Allan Glenny has been sentenced to three-and-a-half years for killing a Chicken Express chef over cheesy fries. Ugh. People that complain about food are the worst. Your 500-word diatribe on Yelp about your waitress being mean and how it ruined your grandma’s 50th birthday party at Golden Corral doesn’t mean you are the food critic for the New York Times. There are two words that create a small caveat for complaining about food. Cheese. Fries. Sex on a plate. Cheese fries are the greatest invention in the food world since a Star Crunch.

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