On Lawyers and Apologies

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 2 Comments

As a law student who interned for ten months only to find out that I suck at it in one ten minute conversation with the supervisor, I have some thoughts on lawyers and apologies. So, the following will be a primer for any attorney who is attempting to mend fences. I’ll write the treatise later.

1) Stick a pin in your fat little ego and deflate it a little.  A prick for a prick.

2) Don’t try to lawyer me into believing you are right. It won’t happen. However, you may succeed in making me mad enough to divulge the details of the entire story, AND YOUR FULL NAME on every blawg in existence.

3) Use your persuasive skills to persuade me that you feel something other than contempt for me. Use your intellect to create a performance that would convince a reasonable man (or woman) that you actually care, that you have a heart, and that you are really, truly, sorry for what you have done.

4) Your knee-jerk reaction is self-defense. Quit it. You were wrong. It is time to plea bargain. Throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Some of us still think and feel like real human beings, not like lawyers. It just might work.

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  • endJD2008

    So. Much. Drama.  But, as soon as the treatise is published, I’ll be all over it.

  • Jojo

    hope to read the treatise!