I’ll be honest. I’m in it for the money. I wasn’t one of those 1Ls who said they came to law school to help people. I became a lawyer because it seemed like the best way to land my DreamJob without first having to work in the mailroom. Also, I like money. I like nice things and the law seemed like the best way to get nice things for myself (I don’t do math or science).
I did get an unpaid clerkship at DreamCompany and yes, I get that there are tradeoffs and that I’m paying my dues—more than willing to do so—but I’ve lived a student’s lifestyle for far too long. I’m ready for some money.
Unfortunately, it’s hard out there for a recent law school graduate, and with Big Firms in the middle of a hiring freeze, it’s no time to be choosey.
Of course, it’s not like there are no jobs for lawyers. In fact, there’s always one employer who’s hiring—the government.
So three days ago, I decided to suck it up. With an enthusiasm that my student loan company would admire, I applied for a government job.
In my application there was a section asking for a personal statement regarding my interest in criminal law. Hmm.
Well, I love “Law & Order” (I heart Jack McCoy). Okay, I didn’t put that down.
Knowing someone on the inside, I also managed to get my hands on a hiring manual, which stressed the importance of finding applicants with a strong interest in public service.
Ugh. The public? I have come to realize that, on the whole, I don’t like the public very much. I didn’t go to law school to change the world, fight the power, or help people. That’s why all of my internships were spent working on the management-side of labor law.
But my government lawyer friend indulged me with a mock interview.
It didn’t go well.
He laughed at me and said, “Get thee to a soup kitchen this weekend!”
Yeah, didn’t happen.
So what to do when you need to sell yourself as a humanitarian and you couldn’t care less about humanity? In plain English—lie. But “lie” is such a dirty word. I massaged some of my prior experience and talked about wanting to transition from the private to the public sector and really give back.
Amazingly, I wasn’t struck by lighting.
That seems to have gotten the ball rolling with the government. But hopefully it won’t come to that. I’m hoping the Big Firm hiring freeze thaws before I have to make a commitment to the people.
Got a Bitter Rantof your own? Email it to email@example.com