Retail and Food Services Lose Employees to Burgeoning Legal Market

M Walter Lawyer, Satire Leave a Comment

The recent increase in legal sector jobs has created problems for local business owners who claim they can’t find enough recent law school graduates to fill minimum wage jobs in their areas. Local coffee shops and retailers are being forced to hire students still in college. “It’s a real problem” says local coffee shop owner Bill Johnson. “College students have a lot of self-respect and the expectation that they are going to move on to bigger and better jobs.

Johnson went on to explain that “law school graduates on the other hand have an air of desperation and a complete lack of expectations. It makes them really great employees.” No one knows why law school graduates make such great minimum wage employees, however recent research has suggested that most law school graduates suffer from neurosis and crushing legal debt. “We think that this makes them more desperate and desperate employees are willing to do the most demeaning jobs with little or no complaint” says labor market researcher Sara Wells.

Attempts to interview a law school graduate worker were difficult as it appears that they are prone to fits of openly weeping when asked about their current job and/or their student loans. However, we were able to reach one law school graduate worker, Joseph Phillips, who was leaving the service industry for a legal sector job.

“It’s like a dream come true,” Mr. Phillips stated. “I was cleaning the men’s restroom one day and I heard someone saying that the recession is over. I didn’t know that because obviously I can’t afford TV or anything like that right now. So, I went back to career services at Harvard and they helped me apply for a few jobs. I guess it just goes to show that dreams really can come true.”

(photo: Waitress taking order in a fast food restaurant via SHUTTERSTOCK

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