All we can envision when reading about this lawsuit is the presiding judge, sitting there in a flowing black robe, having to mull over whether or not an inch-tall plastic toy hamster is ripping off the likeness of a TV personality.
The personality is Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner. The hamster was also born with the name Harris Faulkner, funnily enough. The anchor has won six Emmys. The hamster is part of Hasbro’s Pet Pawsabilities line. We’ve never heard of either of them.
Faulkner the human is suing the toy company for $5 million for “creating, manufacturing, and distributing for sale a plastic toy hamster named ‘Harris Faulkner.’” She claims the company “willfully and wrongfully appropriated Faulkner’s unique and valuable name and distinctive persona for its own financial gain.” Because we’re guessing she believes her Q Score is through the roof in the 4-7 age demographic.
Hasbro doesn’t even sell the hamster anymore, but never you mind. Faulkner human says, “Hasbro’s portrayal of Faulkner as a rodent is demeaning and insulting.” Faulkner hamster countered with, “I know you are, but what am I?”
For its part, Hasbro is asking the judge (who at this point is daydreaming about switching fields to become an Uber driver) to dismiss the suit altogether. The filing claims “a side-by-side comparison of Ms. Faulkner and the Hamster Toy shows that the two bear absolutely no resemblance.”
It goes on to state: “First, Ms. Faulkner is an adult, African-American, human, female newscaster; the Hamster Toy is an inch-tall, cartoon-like plastic animal, which has no apparent gender or profession, or even clothing that might identify its gender or profession.”
Objection! Please let your honor note that the toy hamster sports a butterfly hat. We rest.
This ridiculous hearing will take place December 21.