I once got a ticket for tailgating a police officer. On the freeway. It was less than 30 days after I received my first ticket ever—for speeding. They were dark times. Now, I’m not going to say the officer in question was incorrect in her assessment of my distance from her cruiser, but she may have taken the whole “objects in the mirror are closer than they appear” deal too seriously. In any case, I was mad as hell and wasn’t going to take any more of these tickets everyone was giving me, willy-nilly around every corner, so I went to court and fought it. And…I won! Wish I could say I gave the performance of a lifetime in front of the judge, but the truth is, the cop just didn’t show. I’ll take it, thank you very much.
Cops are busy doing cop stuff, so it makes sense. But the whole no-show thing happens a lot with regular folk as well. People get bent out of shape, want to sue, and then realize they’d rather stay at home in their adult onesies than have to appear in court.
That’s how Khloe Kardashian was recently exonerated for her crimes against humanity. “Which crime—there are so many?” you may be asking yourself. As a Karadashian is apt to do, Khloe was under the impression that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Because, lots of money and all.
Back in August, The Tall Kardashian threw a boat party in Marina del Rey, California, in celebration of her boyfriend James Harden’s 26th birthday, complete with a 15-minute unpermitted fireworks display. At midnight. Needless to say, it scared the shit out of many residents in the upscale neighborhood.
One guy in particular, James Ferguson, was so rattled by the explosions that he decided to sue Khloe in small claims court for $7,500 on behalf of himself and his little dog, too (James claimed his canine was left traumatized). But something must have suddenly come up since James didn’t show up to court and the judge dismissed the case.
Now Khloe can go ahead and spend the $7,500 she had earmarked for the lawsuit on that cell phone cover she’s been eyeing.