Spring has sprung and in Winter’s typical fashion, bitch slapped us back to the frozen tundra. The only cure is more cowbell and by cowbell I mean booze and drag! Another installment of RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, Monday 9/8c) is upon us and we couldn’t be happier!
We pick up from last week’s controversial sashay (which lead to absurd Twitter death threats for Jasmine Masters!) with Kennedy Davenport wiping away the lipsticked mirror. All we really want is for her to take her pubic hair beard off.
Just when we thought we got rid of one bitch we gain another! Miss Fame, calm down. At least Jasmine Masters gave us some of the sound bites we have been salivating for: who doesn’t like to hear about popping the corns for the childrens? What witty remark have you come up with? Pearl thinks she has bedroom eyes and can not be bothered with critiques about her half closed eyes. Then we are treated to an incredibly staged moment of Pearl being hit with water by a producer, which not only wakes up a fake sleeping Pearl but jolts us back to reality too; this may be an unscripted show, but it’s definitely “guided” with a firm hand.
This week the queens are singing and there is no mini-challenge. This is either because the producers wanted to give them more time or the writers had NO IDEAS…
In a surprise twist the girls have to get in their own teams à la the 4th grade and it is a free for all! First team to form (and by form I mean they swoop to Ginger Minj…smart move ladies) is Ginger Minj, Mrs. Kasha Davis, Kandy Ho and Kennedy Davenport. Second group is rallied by Trixi Mattel and understandably so, this challenge was built for her. Trixi gathers up Katya, Miss Fame and Pearl, because they are friends…uh oh. Honey, this is not RuPaul’s Best Friend Race. This leaves Max, Jaidyn Dior Fierce and “Poor me, I don’t care, why do I keep getting picked last?” Violet Chachki. The cringe on Max’s face says it all.
Max’s group was assigned to spoof “Sissy That Walk.”
Right off the bat Violet is shutting down ideas without coming up with any of her own. Max doesn’t want it to be gross or rely on sexuality because that’s what people “always” do. Violet proceeds to do a spot-on impersonation of Max and for a moment we like Violet…but just for a moment.
Trixi’s group has to spoof “Wanna Dance With You” and for a moment we think we will see brilliance happen before our eyes and then we are instead met with Trixi’s idea about tanning. Miss Fame wants to go raunchy – here producers cut away to Max turning her nose up as if she could hear the idea from across the work room (I could edit this better) and Pearl just shuts everyone down. The tension between Pearl and Miss Fame gets to the point where surely they are going to make out and turn RPDR into a soft core porn.
Ru stops by the workroom and visits first with Ginger Minj’s group (spoofing “Let The Music Play”). Ru asks if any of the ladies have ever done a parody before. Mrs. Kasha Davis chimes in with her parody Suburban Aunt (pronounced as ant) to the tune of Riri’s “S&M” and classic Ru does her wide eye “isn’t that special” reply (personal note, if Ru did that to me, I’d poop a glittery brick right then and there).
Ru moves onto Max’s team and Max speaks up against the raunchy, vulgar parodies (has she seen ANYTHING that RuPaul has done…?) and Ru does her wide eye response again and we’re worried! Trixi’s group is next and Pearl is quick to let Mama Ru know that the idea is Trixi’s. Which totally backfires. RuPaul responds with praise and Pearl looks like an ass and for a moment all is right with the universe.
The highlight of this show is Luciane Piane (why is it the highlight of each show has not been a drag queen?) and we are loving the gray in his beard (Mmmmmm Daddy!).
Trixi’s group is up first and Katya knows she can not sing and just puts her entire drunk mom into the song – we have no idea what she is singing. Miss Fame claims to be the best singer and I don’t know what she is talking about. Trixi’s low baritone voice isn’t doing it for anyone and Pearl gets up while Miss Fame is coming for her singing skills which is non-existent.
Next is Max’s team and their concept is actually really good, they spoof last season’s top 3 and their lines are great.
Jaidyn is up first and gets the easiest person to spoof, last season’s winner, Bianca Del Rio who can’t sing and is (naturally) a raging see you next tuesday (but in a way we love, not in the Violet Chachki way). Violet gets up next and is being asked big words like octave… and proceeds to tell off Luciane Piane. DO NOT COME FOR MY FUTURE HUSBAND HO!
Ginger Minj’s group has the best song of the night; a spoof about all of Ru’s products. Thank the Lord someone listened to RuPaul practically say “spoof me and my songs.” Mrs. Kasha Davis wins the recording session for the best Mrs. Garrett from The Facts of Life impersonation: Girls, girls, girls!
Finally to complete the challenge the queens film their music videos. Jaidyn Dior Fierce and Violet Chachki actually look like their characters and Max looks like…Max and does a terrible Australian accent. We move onto Ginger Minj’s group who we are sure will win and then they do the unspeakable; they make fun of the spin-off show “Drag U”. Ru cuts the shoot and tells them that was her favorite job to date and it changed the lives of its participants (if I thought a look would’ve made me drop off some glittery timber, I would’ve lost everything right then and there…green screen to brown, real quick). Last is the
burnt tanned group. It starts out good, Katya reminds us of a cross between Detox and Alaska, but for whatever reason Trixi keeps coming in and out of the shot and then Pearl and Miss Fame are arguing and the much anticipated train wreck ensues.
The runway is All Green Eleganza Realness. I geek out (my favorite color) and Michelle Visage dies a painful death inside. The looks that stick with us are Violet Chachki, Kennedy Davenport and Katya’s Leg. In a surprise first, Ru dismisses the top five: Katya, Jaidyn Dior Fierce, Miss Fame, Ginger Minj and Kennedy Davenport. Leaving us the bottom girls. Michelle asks Pearl the question on everyone’s mind “Are you a stoner girl?” and we live. Trixi gets called out as not being camp enough. Max gets challenged to not wear gray hair. Jessica Alba claims her kai kai crush on Violet Chachki’s perfect ass. Kandy Ho phones in a pageant gown and gets called on it by Ross Matthews. Mrs. Kasha Davis gets clocked for her lack of singing and responds perfectly (clearly someone has learned from watching past seasons).
The bottom ladies are Pearl and (to everyone’s surprise) Trixi Mattel. They lip sync to Blondie’s “Dreaming”.
Trixi gives the song life and Pearl looks possessed. Which apparently is enough to save her and send Trixi sashaying away and the world is shattered for at least a week. Until someone else goes home. Season 8 queens (casting is underway) take note: Give each week everything you have. You’re only as good as your last performance and for the love of all things holy…have some damn personality.