If you see that slight glistening in our eyes, it’s either because we are hung over and the sunlight burns… or it’s glitter caught in our eye. If you’re lucky enough; it’s both. This can mean only one thing darling children — another rousing episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race! Nine ladyboys remain and all we can say is, WHY IS KANDY HO STILL IN THIS DAMN COMPETITION?!? We’re not saying the Puerto Rican Queen didn’t do a good job on her lip sync last week but for her to send home two comedy queens in a row is an absurdity!
How did Kandy escape her rightful elimination when Trixie Mattel went home?! This is a direct blow to the comedy community! #JusticeForTrixie But, I digress.
Cue the next day! The ladyboys enter the work room anew. Huddled around the table the topic of sex comes up as it would in any situation where nine drag queens have nothing better to talk about than who’s on top. Wait, strike that…eight queens, because Max is having none of it. We are back to Max putting up a stink about the “vulgarity of it all” This coming from a queen who wears garters, pasties and DSL’s! Lady, we are Drag Queens, if not for a sailor’s mouth with a Paris woman’s fashion sense, what do we have?! Get over yourself! I’ve seen Catholic Nuns divulge more sexual information than you (no really…Sister Margarie at Sacred Heart in Sex Ed has forever scared me).
Luckily, RuPaul saves the day with a mini-challenge to delight the masses and by masses I’m talking about the bulges in the pit crew and their gym bunny friends! Happy Easter, Passover and Arbor Day to us! The name of the game is pretty simple, except not at all. We’re with Katya, we may not know the rules, but we really like the general gist of the underwear. It’s a super simple game and yet the only queen to actually have any points is Ginger Minj and we’ve wasted 4.5 minutes of screen time. It isn’t all for naught though as Ginger Minj gets to pick her team of three and assign the other two teams for the main challenge.
The main challenge is easily the best they’ve come up with so far in the season, answering the age old question; What ever happened to Merle Ginsberg?
The kids get to shoot in front of Ross Matthews. When did he become a qualified director? The queens would’ve been better off with a blind man. Ross is, unfortunately, not nearly as mean as he should’ve been and what we really want is RuPaul whispering to Michelle Visage “What is happening?”
The best thing to come out of this is Miss Fame’s need for therapy, “I’m sorry, should I not be telling how I feel?” No one cares how you feel, girl.
Finally, Pearl has some words of wisdom, “Say the F-ing line!” All the groups falter and we are hit with the realization that the editing team should win a f!#king Emmy because what they have to work with is just crap (is it season 8 yet?).
The runway is “Death becomes Her” Eleganza Realness and, ironically, we are living for everyone’s look sans Kennedy Davenport — whose look is described as being a fierce drag queen after a night of hooking and then falling down somewhere and being crystallized1.
Violet Chachki is a particular stand-out for what must have been a bold move in removing several ribs in order to get her corset down to a size 16 inch waist…ridiculous.
Ginger Minj’s group is the best of the worst. Katya took the win, sashaying down the runway with a shark eating her leg – yes gawd! Finally! We are not underwhelmed by her and she’s clearly a front runner we like.2 Jaidyn Dior Fierce is in the bottom for forgetting her lines. Girl, you needed to take your own advice! Jaidyn is joined by Kandy Ho. The ladyboys go heel to heel while lip-syncing to Break Free à la Ariana Grande, who by the way is on the judges panel and has as much to contribute to the show as she is mentioned in this recap. Jaidyn sends Kandy home, thanks the freakin’ lord for small mercies.
The best moment of this entire show? The producers putting Merle and Michelle next to each other. The tension was so high you could’ve cut it with a toy knife – the Fisher Price kind.
Makes you wonder, what the hell did happen to Merle? Related/unrelated…We love you Santino. Come back.