'Cache' of Sex Toys Stolen

Police officers are on the hunt for a thief who broke into several vehicles in an Oregon neighborhood. According to Fox 12 Oregon, one of the vehicles contained about $500.00 worth of sex toys. The owner of the sex toys (who is actually looking alright in Fox 12’s report) told the news outlet that she was embarrassed to tell police about the incident. Although she seemed okay with giving a video taped interview about it.

One can only imagine how the culprit managed to carry $500.00 worth of sex toys right out from under this woman. We assume it took multiple loads to get it all done.

But the theft isn’t the real story here. The fun comes in when police show up to interview this young woman who is a Pittsburgh 8, New York 7, and Law school 45. She told the Fox 12 that the officer “asked her to describe everything, in detail. . . .” The video cuts from the victim at that point. But we could imagine that this police officer got a thorough explanation of exactly how all of these items are used… you know, just in case it’s relevant.

What the news described as a “cache” in her trunk was being assembled for an upcoming bachelorette party. The article went on to quote the bride-to-be: “It broke my heart, [my friend] worked so hard for so long on all this, and she’s done a really good job, and it’s just sad to see someone come and take all that away like that. I don’t even know what they could use it for.”

It will be really interesting when someone explains to this girl exactly what that stuff is used for. But if she really is that naive, her husband shouldn’t fret. The great thing about marrying a chaste woman is you can do the weird stuff and tell her it’s totally normal.

(photo: Ball-gag and whip, isolated on white background. Close up. from Shutterstock)