Good news! Global warming is not the end of the world – it’s only the beginning of the end of the world! (And only as we know it!) Putting all the played-out, sad-sack, tree-hugging, climate change gloominess to one side, it does a body good to remember that there sometimes can be a shiny silver lining inside that dry, dusty, crinkly-crackly, bone-gray, non-rain-bearing “rain” cloud, which is why you should memorize and take very much to heart this list of … global warming benefits!
1. Unlimited coconuts. Everywhere. No need to go to the tropics!
2. Northerly moving alligators will eat that yapping dog next door.
3. Waterworld producers will finally break even. (Oops, wait a sec, the theaters will be underwater. Oh, well.)
4. No more uncomfortable conversations with the kids about the birds and the bees (as there will be no more bees).
5. Waterslide Wednesdays. At the office.
6. Enough kudzu and ragweed to feed all the world’s goats.