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Story Time: Live Blogging “Taken By The Gay Unicorn Biker” By Chuck Tingle

  BitterEmpire /   April 9, 2015 /   Endings /   Leave a Comment

In what has somehow developed into a regular feature, we live blog Taken By The Gay Unicorn Biker by Chuck Tingle. It is the great debate of our time: is being taken by a gay unicorn biker better or worse than being Taken by T-Rex?

Join us Thursday April 9th at 9am central to weigh in on the insanity.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:00 am

Rubs hands together.  Okay, I have my coffee. Check.  Open copy of Taken by a Gay Unicorn Biker by Chuck Tingle… here we go.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:01 am

I can already see that Tingle is a better author.  Our opening is actually fairly interesting:  “I don’t believe in miracles; nor luck, nor magic.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:02 am

A little set up here.  Our hero seems to be driving to his brother’s wedding from VERY GAY West Hollywood.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:03 am

He’s out and proud, but his family is Christian and he’s trying to get to the wedding on time to prove he’s not a loser. (I already like this guy.  Mr. Tingle, you impress me.)

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:03 am

Ah, his name is Mario.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:03 am

Oh noz.  A car accident.  I think I already see how we’re going to meet our biker.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:04 am

If he was marrying Luigi it would make me so happy.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:04 am

Hahahahaha.  Now my mental image of this guy is VERY WEIRD.  

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:04 am

If he doesn’t believe in magic, a motorcycle-riding unicorn is going to be an even bigger surprise.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:05 am

I don’t know what they teach CA drivers, but Mario is leave his wreckage and walking.  In the desert.  (MNians know better than this.)

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:05 am

Chuck is such a prolific writer, I think he could use the Mario/Luigi pairing as the inspiration for his next story.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:06 am

Does he not have a cell phone? or is he so far out in the boondocks that he isn’t getting reception?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:06 am

Leaving the scene of an accident is illegal. Mario is in BIG TROUBLE.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:06 am

Oh, but look here it is page three and the motorcycle is already on the horizon.  “a tiny glinting spec on the horizon.”  Mr. Tingle, you DELIVER.  We had five pages of set up in T-Rex.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:06 am

(I’m sorry, possibly introducing logical questions into this is not helpful.)

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:06 am

And why are you asking about phones? He’s a gay guy in need of a UNICORN!!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:07 am

Tingle’s next book should involve someone who’s taken in the butt by the AAA tow truck.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:08 am

I’m surprised he hasn’t already written that one.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:08 am

Because if he’d charged his phone (or had one), he would miss this: “It’s only then I realize the rider is a beautiful, white unicorn, with a long flowing main (sic) and a glorious pearly horn jutting out from the top of his head.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:08 am

“Where are you headed?” The biker unicorn asks in a gruff voice.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:08 am

I guess the guff voice tells us this is a manly sparkling unicorn?

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:09 am

MANLY.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:09 am

A MANLY SPARKLING UNICORN.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:09 am

And… our hero, Mario, is just like, yeah, I’m talking to a unicorn. No problem.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:09 am

I am totally fixated on where that horn is going to go. And if it is made of keratin or if it is a bony structure.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:10 am

“Guess it’s your lucky day.” The unicorn says, his tail whipping back and forth in the air as it hangs over the back seat of the bike.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:10 am

I think post twilight all mythical creatures are required to sparkle.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:10 am

Is no one wondering how the unicorn can drive WITH HOOVES??

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:10 am

I’m wondering!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:11 am

Maybe they’re special hooves. The kind with thumbs.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:11 am

Or, hold on. Maybe it’s an adaptive motorcycle.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:11 am

Okay, I am now in love with Mario, because when the unicorn tells him to hop on, he thinks, “I do as I’m told, deciding not to tell this majestic creature that I don’t believe in luck.”  BUT TALKING UNICORNS ARE FINE???

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:12 am

Hey, Mario has a line in the sand. Luck is just a step too far.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:12 am

Well, luck is a mushy, sketchy sort of thing. The talking unicorn is right in front of him.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:12 am

I really want the unicorn to be wearing a biker jacket.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:13 am

Okay, now we’re having some bonding.  Where you headed? Etc.  Turns out the unicorn has had a really bad breakup and now he’s headed to Vegas.  (Oh, just where the brother’s wedding is!)

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:13 am

How convenient!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:13 am

Clearly this was meant to be. Does Mario believe in destiny?

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:14 am

Our sensitive hero is sensitive, “Sounds like she lost out on a pretty good unicorn.”  Unicorn corrects:  HE.  He lost out on a good guy. (Note unicorn thinks of himself as a guy, even as Mario calls him a unicorn.)

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:14 am

You’re gay?  Me too!

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:14 am

late to this party so I have some catch up to do!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:15 am

I am thinking Mario needs to start believing in luck, because methinks he’s getting lucky.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:15 am

I wish there was some angst over whether sleeping with a male unicorn makes a man gay.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:16 am

Oh, now we get the sexy description, “I pull tighter against the unicorn, feeling the beat of his massive heart against my body.  He’s an incredible creature, so perfectly toned and strong… I can’t help but feel a strange twinge of arousal deep within me.”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:16 am

I mean, of the things you’re going to get hung up on, the Unicorn’s gender seems the least of your issues.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:16 am

Unicorn is named Kirk.  KIRK.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:16 am

Please let there be a captain joke coming (as it were.)

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:17 am

KIRK?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:17 am

Chuck might be showing his roots here – in the pounded in my butt with my own butt story there is also a kirk.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:18 am

Wait, you read that one???

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:18 am

I was there – with the gay unicorn driving a motorcycle with a motorcycle jacket, in the desert…but KIRK?! *needle across the record*

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:18 am

Kirk is a sensitive unicorn who is not given to pat responses.  We are falling for Kirk. In fact, “His casual unicorn demeanor is so incredible, I find myself turned on.”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:18 am

No, I read the blurb though. Kirk is a research scientist who’s work went horribly awry.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:18 am

Now I want to believe that the unicorn is actually an alien from outer space, part of some sort of space expeditionary force, who has a boy on every planet.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:19 am

wait wait wait

what would be a non-casual sort of unicorn demeanor, exactly?

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:19 am

I don’t know.  And why is it HOT?

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:19 am

yeah – I read the pounded-by-my-own-butt descrip and it actually sounds rather logical

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:19 am

“Whoa.” Kirk says with a laugh, sensing the hardening of my cock up against his back. “You getting excited back there, buddy?”

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:20 am

*awkward*

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:20 am

Mario tries to deny his raging hard on.  Kirk asks unabashedly “You ever fucked a unicorn?”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:21 am

For the rest of my life this is my conversation starter “You ever fucked a unicorn?” I’m just going to ask people this indiscriminately forever.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:21 am

Just want to point out that Amazon links in the side-bar are again spot-on – with Taken By T-Rex and Pounded in the Butt By My Own Butt

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:21 am

Mario is like, uh, no, I’VE NEVER MET ONE BEFORE. Except a lot more casually and Kirk is all, “There’s not a lot of us out there, not a lot of gay ones either.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:22 am

Mario, you are one lucky dude.  Not only a unicorn. But you just found the one who is also gay.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:22 am

So like better than a 4-leaf clover lucky?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:22 am

Oh whatever, Kirk. All unicorns are gay.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:23 am

My favorite exchange: “I didn’t even realize you existed,” I confess.  Kirk scoffs, “Come on now, that’s just rude.”

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:23 am

Now see – I’m really feeling Tingle’s dialogue skills here

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:24 am

I just read a “medical mystery” and I swear the dialogue was actually worse than that line. Chuck’s got game.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:24 am

Mario is falling hard.  “He’s a protector, a figure of power that radiates support, companionship, and gay lust. My body aches for him.”  (And gay lust?  The rest was so sweet Mario!!)

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:24 am

Now the unicorn wants to know if Mario believes in love at first sight.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:25 am

No! Because Mario is the pragmatic type. Who doesn’t believe in luck, or magic.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:25 am

Yep.  Mario plays hard to get.  He’s very, mmmmaybe?  But he’s willing to admit that there’s something between them.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:25 am

I just would have so many questions for the unicorn. I mean where to even begin. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:26 am

LIKE YOUR HARD ON.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:26 am

Well, it’s important to have tension in a story – will they, won’t they, could they?

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:26 am

Oh… Mario gets to that.  “I think I WANT you.”  The unicorn is even shocked by this, “Right now??”

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:26 am

But why bring love into it, Chuck

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:26 am

“How many unicorns are there? Are you born with a horn because how does that work for unicorn moms? How exactly are you driving this motorcycle without opposable thumbs?”

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:27 am

“Right now?” “No, I mean, let’s stop the motorcycle at least.”

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:27 am

Can’t a couple of nice guys, one of whom is a unicorn biker, just want to get it on in the desert without it having to be about love??

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:27 am

Yeah, I find it difficult to imagine how a glorified horse can correctly position themselves on a motorcycle for sexytime.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:28 am

Naomi – exactly

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:28 am

My other question right now would be, “okay, so… you’re a unicorn.  Does one of us have a condom?  Do we need it in this interspecies thing we’re about to do??” 

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:29 am

right?? I mean let’s include some safer sex practices here guys, interspecies doesn’t have to mean irresponsible/risky!

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:29 am

Zoonotic diseases are real, even if unicorns aren’t. best to use a condom. If the situation ever comes up.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:29 am

Because they have stopped the motorcycle!  Alert!  There is already kissing. “I step off with him and then moments later we are meeting under the desert sun next to a giant, flat bloodier.  Kirk and me embrace each other feverishly…”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:29 am

“Our lips locked in a passionate kiss.”  Lips.  Can we take a moment here to imagine horse lips?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:30 am

So I may not have seen a Unicorn, but I have seen a horse. The mechanics of kissing seem more complicated than just doing the deed.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:30 am

Right?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:30 am

Also – regarding the embrace, I think we are back to the hooves issue raised earlier.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:31 am

yeah – prospect of horse/guy kissing seems…impracticable

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:31 am

I mean I suppose if you’re a unicorn you might be equipped with all sorts of adaptive magic. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:32 am

Good news! We are not lingering on the kiss.  “I’m trembling with desire, wanting nothing more than to take his massive, gay unicorn biker cock inside my body.”  

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:32 am

You’d think he could at least shape-shift

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:32 am

I’m having a really hard time getting around the hooves, still. Not to overshare, but I have found hands to be an important component of every sexual encounter I’ve ever had in my life.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:33 am

Mario has torn off his own shirt.  Kirk does the same.  “His body is utterly incredible, perfect and muscular in its majestic, beastly form. I touch him gently with my hands and then work my way down the unicorn’s toned, muscular chest.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:33 am

Okay, so wait, this is a unicorn with a man’s chest?

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:33 am

Legit observation, Naomi. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:33 am

Also, how is he upright?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:34 am

Kirk was wearing a shirt? Then why no leather jacket?!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:34 am

Is he stroking the unicorn’s fur? Unicorns have fur, not skin, I assume, if we’re starting from a horse-type body.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:34 am

Hooves just sound wildly clunky. Sex can already be sort of gangly, klunky, awkward – how much more so with HOOVES

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:34 am

Chuck missed out on a perfect opportunity for cross genre appeal

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:34 am

No fur mentioned.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:34 am

I’ve been picturing a bipedal unicorn the whole time and not worrying too much about the logistics there. It’s clearly a bipedal unicorn in the picture. 

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:35 am

Oh wait. In the picture from the cover Kirk is wearing a jacket.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:35 am

But no shirt!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:35 am

Oh wait, I’m sorry, that’s Mario who’s got no shirt.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:35 am

Oh, you know how rarely cover artists read the book, Naomi.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:35 am

See, now here is where I feel Chuck could really up his game by zooming in on the details like fur. I mean unicorn fur (doesn’t “fur” sound like the wrong word all of a sudden?)

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:36 am

Well, they had to do the jacket all the way up because they had trouble picturing unicorn chest, so maybe there is a shirt under there. Also note, the hooves are not pictured!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:36 am

Looking at the picture also makes me think they should’ve been struggling to keep Kirk’s windswept mane out of the way when they kissed.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:36 am

I mean do horses really have fur? I mean I guess – they’re not feathers.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:36 am

You can bet neither of them thought ahead to bring a hair band.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:37 am

Coarse hair I would say.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:37 am

The Internet seems to think that horses have hair, not fur. 

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:37 am

But whatever, it’s going to be all over the unicorn’s body and soft to pet. 

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:37 am

I like this internet you speak of!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:38 am

Also I missed this wonderful first description, “I find myself surprised by how masculine his beauty is.  Besides the slight pink shimmer of the creature’s mane and horn, there’s nothing girly about this muscular beast.  In fact, this particular unicorn is actually looking pretty badass in his leather jack, jeans and boots.”

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:38 am

Horses have really soft noses and like having those petted, so I would assume that it would be an erogenous zone for a unicorn but maybe it’s just as well we’re not going there.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:38 am

oh yeah. Horsehair blankets. That’s a thing, right?

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:38 am

WAIT I’M SORRY IF YOU ARE SHIMMERING PINK YOU ARE INHERENTLY KINDA GIRLY

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:39 am

The badass leather jacket and jeans is clearly OVERCOMPENSATION

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:39 am

 But there is also a mention of hooves.  “…stomping the asphalt with a bit of hoof.”  Agreed, Naomi!  

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:39 am

Hey there are those manly men who can pull off pink

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:39 am

Oh yeah! A fully dressed unicorn! A naked unicorn would be breaking all sorts of laws – you’re not even allowed to drive topless!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:40 am

But the unicorn does wears pants. “Suddenly overwhelmed with passion, I drop to my knees and unbutton Kirk’s pants, pulling them down and letting his massive unicorn cock spring forth.”  

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:40 am

Mr. Unicorn Biker is so confident in his masculinity that he can pull off not only pink, but PINK SHIMMER

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:40 am

Ok – let’s talk about unicorn tailoring

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:41 am

maybe that’s just part of his magic

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:41 am

I will buy magic as the answer to a lot of this, honestly.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:41 am

“Holy shit,” I gasp.  “Your dick is fucking enormous.”  The confident unicorn biker gives me a wink.  “Think you can handle it?”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:41 am

I feel like there may be a girth issue here for the unicorn.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:42 am

“I don’t know, Mr. Unicorn, can you magically give me a more capacious anus?” #superunsexyerotica

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:42 am

Girth magic

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:42 am

WELL YEAH Mario! Even I know the phrase “hung like a horse”

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:42 am

Are we going to get a “hung like a horse” joke at any point?

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:42 am

jinx!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:42 am

Well, Mario has no problem taking him into his mouth, so he’s not T-Rex big.   “The gorgeous beast lets out a satisfied neigh…”

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:43 am

Wow – that was fast

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:43 am

Thought unicorn biker would have a little more longevity

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:43 am

For the best – the body pillow T-rex penis imagery has really haunted me.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:44 am

And now we have this lovely image as well, “With one hand I cradle his hanging balls, and with the other other I reach up and take his hoof in mine, gasping tightly.”

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:44 am

“A satisfied neigh.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:44 am

What happened to his boots?

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:45 am

Oh, I assumed it was the front hooves, the ones that ought to be his hands. Those wouldn’t have boots on them.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:45 am

hoof-grasping – again, sounds awkward

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:45 am

Oh no.  The next part might be too much.  “Kirk’s size is just too much to take, and I struggle against his rod, retching as I push the limits of my body. I simply can’t take his size.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:45 am

Retching? Is this hot?

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:46 am

Sensitive unicorn suggests stopping, but Mario is all, “I need to do this, Kirk.” (But WHY??)

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:46 am

Listen, Mario. You can’t deep throat a unicorn. Not gonna happen. Surely, there are other tricks in your bag.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:46 am

oh we’re still on this ride! I thought “satisfied neigh” indicated finis 

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:47 am

Joline, don’t crush a man’s dreams

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:47 am

Mr. Tingle is all about the delivery, because Mario does the deep throating.  

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:48 am

 “Somehow I mange to relax enough that Kirk’s massive dick slides all the way inside.  I proudly look up at him and give him a playful wink.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:48 am

At least unicorn is impressed, “Fuck,” is all this amazing man can manage to get out, overwhelmed by my expert deep throating skills. “That’s incredible, Mario.”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:49 am

Kirk didn’t even know unicorns existed earlier today, that has not been a long held goal to achieve. I mean, I could see it being necessary if you had traveled the globe looking for a gay unicorn to deep throat, but that isn’t the case here.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:49 am

wow. just – go you, Mario. Add that skill to your CV, sir

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:50 am

Mario needs some self-esteem because he’s so pleased by this.  “This is all I’ve ever wanted.  To find love when I least expect it, out here in the desert in a time of need.”

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:50 am

But clearly he really is not one to walk away from a challenge

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:50 am

I really hope Mario will take the Unicorn to the wedding and introduce him to the family.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:51 am

Oh.  Oh, shit. We have teeth…. “I find Kirk carefully pulling me to my feet with his powerful unicorn teeth.”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:51 am

Also, I am going to be totally disappointed if there isn’t horn play at some point in this story. I feel it’s a requirement if you’re going to write unicorn porn.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:51 am

“out here in the desert in a time of need.” Very Old Testament. So deep-throating a unicorn is manna from heaven, is my conclu.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:52 am

Kirk has just laid Mario out on a rock and is proceeding to strip him (apparently with his teeth.  Maybe the hooves really have no thumbs?)

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:53 am

I’m wagering that the horn comes into play soon as more accommodating to Mario’s human backside than Mr. Unicorn’s cock would be.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:53 am

We have horsey licking on Mario’s cock.  “The creature certainly knows how to use his tongue, finding no trouble at all with quickly bridging my body dangerously close to orgasm.”

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:54 am

Oh NO! I can never unknow that!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:54 am

Now I am confused by the size the unicorn’s head.  “He pumps his head up and down on my length, pleasuring me skillfully between his majestic lips.”  I feel like a horse’s head is kind of bigger than that?  I probably shouldn’t try to really “see” this.

Tara Jenson April 9, 20159:55 am

oh THIS was your “I can never unknow that” point?

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:56 am

I agree – there is a significant size issue there. Logistical FAIL Chuck.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:56 am

Mario is begging to come. But you know, he wants Kirk inside.  Okay, so now we get Mario describing HIMSELF this way, “…pulls me down the boulder slightly so that my muscular gay ass is hanging off the edge.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:56 am

I’m so glad everyone had gay parts.  A gay cock for a gay ass.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:57 am

Again – why the emphasis on the gayness? You are doin’ it with a unicorn. Gender is not the most important aspect of the story.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:58 am

Yeah, and this isn’t a girly unicorn either.  Is this really important to Mr. Tingle’s audience. 

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 20159:58 am

Well, I’m glad that Mario doesn’t have a straight ass as it wouldn’t go with the rest of his body parts.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:58 am

Yes, I’m weirdly disappointed it was not described as a “straight-acting” ass. I find that much hotter.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 20159:59 am

I don’t know?! I have no idea who Mr. Tingle’s audience is, but I’m pretty sure he’s laughing all the way to the bank. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 20159:59 am

And at least there is this, “I’m slightly fearful of what his incredible size could do to my body, but I try my best to play it off and be fearless.”  SLIGHTLY FEARFUL??

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:00 am

At least he has the sense to be concerned. T-rex girl was totally oblivious to the danger.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:00 am

To be fair to Mr. Tingle, he’s not a bad writer. Some of his dialogue is awesome, frankly.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:00 am

There are typos, but no worse than a lot of fan fic.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:01 am

Fair. It’s gotta be tough to find the right editor for Chuck’s genre. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:01 am

Oh, now the true nature of the unicorn comes out. “Kirk stops for a moment, ‘I want you to beg for it.'”

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:01 am

I find myself anxious for there to be some hot gay EMTs nearby given all the potential for things to go awry here

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:01 am

Well, yeah. A submissive Unicorn would just be totally unbelievable. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:03 am

Oh but Mario is a manly man.  He’s not gonna do it.  All he’ll say is “fuck me” as he grabs hold of Kirk’s “large beastly body with one hand” and then “I pull Kirk forward and his mammoth cock disappears inside of my asshole, stretching my tightness to the brink.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:03 am

I am concerned at this point there has been no mention of lube.  NONE.

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:03 am

Well – you just took the bull by the horns, Mr. Mario!

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:04 am

The brink. Seems like there should be a better word here.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:04 am

Yeah, I’m sorry, I can buy the gay biker unicorn and the deep throating but anal sex with a horse-sized cock and no lube? NOPE.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:04 am

“Kirk pauses, as he ruptures my colon with his beastly length.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:06 am

You’d think, but that’s it for Mario.  He’s come.  “I let out a blood-curdling howl of pleasure that echoes across the desert landscape, cascading across the hills and valleys until it bounces back to us.”

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:06 am

All fun and games until severe anal tearing, people.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:06 am

And Kirk is good now too.  “He lets out a guttural neigh of his own, throwing back his head and shutting his eyes in an expression of pure satisfaction.”

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:07 am

Wait, he comes just like that? KABOOM?

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:07 am

This just seems insufficiently described, to me. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:07 am

OMG you guys Kirk is going to take the unicorn to the wedding!  I am so happy.

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:07 am

WAIT! There was no horn involved in this escapade at all?! WTF?!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:08 am

TBF, there is more description, “bucking forward as he ejects several pumps of semen within my asshole.”  But no use of horn. NONE.

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:09 am

ok – that’s really all I wanted out of this whole thing – Mario taking unicorn to the wedding

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:09 am

What a letdown. Mr. Tingle, your readers are disappointed. 

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:09 am

I wanted some erotic horn action. A unicorn +1 at a wedding is cool and all, but not like erotic horn action.

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:09 am

I mean maybe his fam will be all NBD with the gay thing

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:09 am

And never mind that Kirk is a unicorn, but at the wedding we get, “…Everyone loved Kirk. At first I was worried that they’d have a problem with the fact that he rode a motorcycle..”  What?  That was your worry?  NOT THAT HE WAS A UNICORN??

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:10 am

come on – EVERYONE loves a unicorn

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:10 am

I thought this was the wedding of the unaccepting Christian relatives. They’re totally okay with the gay relative not only bringing a dude, but a UNICORN dude?

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:10 am

The brother is all, “You look chill.” And there is much winking because clearly the brother is actually down with the hot gay unicorn sex.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:10 am

A unicorn BIKER dude?

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:11 am

aw, that’s really just sweet. 

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:11 am

Right?  But it’s a happy ending, Naomi!  So. Happy.  No anal rupturing and the Christian family loves the unicorn.

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:11 am

“Dude, the Bible says, thou shalt not lie with a man as you would with a woman. It says NOTHING about unicorns!”

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:11 am

Gay unicorn bikers – bringing estranged families together since 2015!

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:12 am

And that’s the end.  

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:12 am

There is no more. Horns maybe saved for the sequel??

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:12 am

Okay. So I think it would be a better story if (1) there had been some more graphic description of the sex, including some practical measures like lube, and (2) if instead of Mario taking the unicorn to his unaccepting family member’s wedding, the UNICORN took MARIO to a UNICORN wedding.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:13 am

OMG #2!  I weirdly now want to write fan fic of this in which that happens!!

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:13 am

Like, “heyyyy, I’m heading to a wedding, too! and unicorns are totally fine with gay people. why don’t you tell your stupid unaccepting family to get stuffed, and come hang out with me? Also, unicorn weddings involve a massive unicorn orgy, and we serve cake for all the courses.”

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:13 am

I am SO requesting that for Yuletide.

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:13 am

To be fair, Chuck Tingle would have blown his whole unicorn wad if he’d included EVERYTHING in one book. Sequels!

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:13 am

Thumbs-up to #2

Naomi Kritzer April 9, 201510:13 am

Well, Taken in the Butt By All the Unicorns at the Gay Unicorn Wedding would make a terrific sequel.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:14 am

Hahahahahahaha!  YES.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:15 am

I will say this is shorter than I thought, not that much longer than the T-Rex sex.

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:15 am

No wonder Tingle can pound these out (pun intended).

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:15 am

I appreciate your curating Lyda 😀

Lyda Morehouse April 9, 201510:16 am

Hey, just remember: ‘I read weird erotica, so you don’t have to!”  It’s my new family crest.

Tara Jenson April 9, 201510:17 am

bless you child

Joline Zepcevski April 9, 201510:18 am

And, with that, we end another episode of story time. Thanks to all who can now never unsee this.

Filed Under: Endings Tagged With: Chuck Tingle, erotica live blog, mythical creature porn, Taken By The Gay Unicorn Biker

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