Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a lesbian tentacle hunter? No? Neither had we, but apparently Audrey M. Summers certainly has! She has written the definitive work on the subject and shockingly, it turns out that tentacle sporting plants have a real hard-on for lesbian cryptozoologists. And so, it is time for another installment of Bitter Empire’s totally random monster erotica live blog.
We would be remiss if we did not share with you the Amazon warning for Lesbian Tentacle Hunters 1: Morning Glory
This 5,000 word story contains hot lesbian monster hunters, lesbian romance and sex, invasive tentacles/vines, reluctant tentacle sex, rough tentacle sex, sexpollen/aphrodisiacs, and tentacles in every hole. Suitable for adults and tentacle-lovers only.
And so, if you are a tentacle lover, or even just a tentacle enthusiast, join us as we live blog Audrey’s seminal work Thursday July 2nd at 9am. But, Dear Reader, beware. Not only will there be explicit tentacle sex in the book, there will much middle school level humor, and as many puns as we dare to make in the live blog.
An important distinction to be sure. Changes the whole flow of the work.
Scientists, always thinking plants are boring. So representative of the field.
Although I guess, cryptozoologist may be pushing the boundaries of science. And not in the correct direction. (I read the blurb)
WOW! That was fast. Not much of a backstory I guess.
Wait! How they are going to have lesbian sex with tentacles if Kim is missing?! The suspense is killing me.
For a tiny plant it sure is causing a lot of damage. Maybe now Amara will give plants the respect they deserve!
This is sounding less like lesbian intimacy and more like what happens when I try to weed whack the back yard.
Hey the weeds already won that battle. I am just calling them flowers now.
That’s actually not a bad line. Re: pissing off the flowers. Cute.
My allergies are going insane just thinking about this. Where is the zyrtec?! Where?
You know, in this case, tentacles pulling down shorts, not actually that complicated – in comparison to unicorns with no hands doing the dirty, which was basically one giant “somehow.”
One article of clothing at a time Naomi – it’s like strip poker 🙂
Wait, Kim just got ravished with no prequel? She seems an afterthought in this story.
The garden path! HAH! Oh!
We need to write a companion to this story from the plant’s point of view.
At least the Vampire Bus was chatty.
Wait, how’s Kim doing in all this? Is she still around? I feel like perhaps the author took on one too many characters.
Hmmm. Conflicted feelings on plant tentacle sex. Fair enough.
Wait. Is that the end?
Well, at least it didn’t turn them gay. Unlike the Unicorn who was turning people left and right. Hah! Yet another pun!
Kim “got off” easy.
Also, there are a whole series of these books, so I have to assume Kim and Amara return to the scene of the crime.
Moral to the story, Naomi!
Something tells me this wasn’t written for a lesbian audience Tara.
Had the plant talked and told its story, I think this could have been a contender. I’m totally writing a companion piece!
ZOMG. Pregnant with Aphrodisiac plants!! WHY is that not the sequel?!
You have to assume so. And isn’t there a whole market for the pregnancy sexytime?
And who was this mysterious, “Employer”. You’re so right, Naomi. Questions have only been raised, not answered.
Eaten one, impregnated the other, who were sent there by an evil genius trying to take over the world. NEW BOOK.
Like caveman who’s name I can’t remember in the Taken by T-Rex book.
Now we just need a title and this thing has written itself.
Okay – so in our random ranking of monster erotica, I’m going to go ahead and say the consensus is this is not our favorite.
Oh – agreed, Naomi. Since the plant didn’t talk, and wasn’t a magical paperclip, it may have been written with a more serious bent. I think perhaps some of the other writers we’ve reviewed have been more tongue in cheek. No pun intended. OH THAT IS A LIE.
We need to find a way to make a visual representation of this scale for future live blog events.
We are going to walk away from Lesbian Tentacle Hunters now that we have thoughtfully provided an entirely new plot. Come back on another random Thursday at 9 am and join us to review more monster erotica!