Well, this is it. The last Next Top Model. Heaven help me, I will miss this parade of ego, weaves, and batshittery. And here is Tyra at the end of the runway announcing the final two! But who will they be? And what nutball spikepants featherface Mad Max spangly gopher head outfits will they be…
Tyra Banks Quits Yet Another Show To Become Amway, Basically
In a surprising move, Tyra Banks has quit her second show in as many months. Banks stunned the world (OK, a diminishing slice of it) in October with her announcement that she was bringing America’s Next Top Model to a close at the end of this cycle.1 And now she’s quitting her own syndicated talk…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22: This Is Not The Finale You Are Looking For
OK. So. It’s the “Finale,” only ANTM is doing that thing again where the finale gets sliced into two parts and nothing – literally nothing – final happens in the first part. And you know what? I am totally going to watch next week (which is in two weeks), so as cranky as this makes…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 14: The Moms Are Here! The Moms Are Here!
So we soldier on toward the end of the End, the Last Cycle after which, no doubt, Siva will simply erase the universe and start again, and who could blame him? Life can be cruel, and so we start off with our reminder that Mikey won Best Performance last week. He’s handling it by gloating…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 13: Shark Tank x Models = Fierce-a-Preneurs
As we have been, we go barreling back into the action without so much as a “Previously on…” Mamé won “Best Performance” last week, which even the models persist in calling Best Photo. Heh. Mamé also reminds us that she’s the Challenge Queen. Mamé’s #TyTyTip is that she only gives “just enough” in shoots but…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 11: Why Are Clip Shows?
Well, we knew it couldn’t last. I’m referring, of course, to both the recent spectacular run of completely bonkerrific shows and to Top Model itself, which, alas, will be ending its run this cycle. It seems stunning that Tyra would make the decision to end it. I can only assume that with this drastic measure…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 10: Mad Models Beyond Thunderdome
You guys. There is so much visual stimulation this week. SO MUCH. But I hesitate to tell you to close your eyes if you’re feeling overwhelmed because it is all absolute top-notch batshittery and well worth the disorientation and seizures. Elimination! Dustin made it back into the competition last week, but now someone must be…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 9: Can’t We Just Have America’s Next Top Dog?
Dear heavens, we are on Episode Nine. It still doesn’t make any sense that this is happening. However, if we will recall, last week’s episode was so transcendently nutball that it filled the whole universe with happiness. And so we cling to the impossible hope that they can keep to the same standard without anybody…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 8: Beyond The Valley Of The Runway Of The Dolls
Hang on to your spleens, people. This one is amazing. Let’s jump right in. Model House! The models return from Lacey’s triumphant win. Her picture has “BEAUTIFUL” and “YOU SOLD ME THE FANTASY” written across it, which enhances the image just about as much as you think it does. I am more verbally oriented than…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 Episode 7: What Does ‘Smell My Fierce’ Even Mean?
Well. We have a lot going on this week. Usually, I’m captivated by the complete insanity of Top Model, but unfortunately I watched the GOP debates right before the show, so there was very little that the model antics could do to seem as hilarious and sad as usual. Which is not to suggest that…