Bush Declines Olympian’s Carpool Request

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Marion Jones, the three-time Olympic gold medalist sentenced in January to six months in prison for lying to the feds about her steroid use and a multimillion-dollar check fraud scam, has asked President Bush to commute her sentence. Inside sources at the White House have reported that while the President initially commended Jones for her efforts to conserve gas in …

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Barenaked Dummy

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Word hit the streets yesterday that Steven Page, the lead singer of the Barenaked Ladies, is planning to fight the recent cocaine charge he racked up last week when he was arrested in an apartment in upstate New York and charged with possession of a controlled substance. When asked about the powdery white substance in his possession, court documents report …

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Almost As Good As Dershowitz

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Allen Garcia, the 33-year-old homeless panhandler who was arrested for selling crack to Tatum O’Neal six weeks ago, was released this week from Rikers Island, only to be stopped by immigration officials as he was walking out of the building, who delivered the bad news: he’s being deported. Pundits from coast to coast were stunned to hear the news of …

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What a Dick

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Early Wednesday morning, comedian Andy Dick was arrested for sexual battery and possession of controlled substances, after approaching a teenager outside the Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar in Murrieta, California and pulling off the teen’s shirt. It came as no surprise to police investigating the case that Dick appeared to be “extremely intoxicated” and had a pocket full of …

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Phil Spector: You Know It’s Time to Call a Headhunter

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The D.A. prosecuting Phil Spector has found yet another woman who wants to testify that the famed producer threatened her life, according to a new motion that sets out facts similar to those alleged in the 2003 shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson. The new woman, Norma Kemper, was working as Spector’s assistant in 1996 when he took her out …

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You Can Take the Man Out of the Park…

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CNN reports that Richard Quest, the CNN International correspondent arrested in April for “loitering” at 3 a.m. in Central Park, returned from court-ordered rehab on Friday and is back at work. Though Nigel Pritchard, a spokesperson for CNN, claims that “We’re very pleased to have him back,” inside sources at CNN have expressed concern that Quest’s stint in rehab was …

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Why Prenups Exist. And Restraining Orders.

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A 76-year-old grandmother, Betty Neumar, is currently being held on half a million dollars’ bond in a North Carolina jail for allegedly hiring a hit man to kill her fourth husband to collect his life insurance payout, while police re-examine the untimely and unexpected deaths of her first child, stepson, and four of the five men she’s married. Reporters the …

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Josh Brolin: Thank God He’s Not Playing Dick Cheney

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Josh Brolin, shocked to discover that his starring role in Oliver Stone’s upcoming pic, “W,” centers on the most unpopular commander-in-chief in the history of the universe, and not, as his agent had originally told him, on the founder of the sexy, mid-priced hotel chain, lost control this weekend and was arrested for brawling in a bar in Shreveport, Louisiana, …

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