Stock Purchase (Dis)Agreement

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 8 Comments

I stayed up all night revising this stupid Stock Purchase Agreement.  The Partner in charge, who’s a classic angry-nerd-law-dick, gave me lots of detailed comments to incorporate into the agreement.  He wrote them in red ink on the contract and said, “Make these changes, and get it out by midnight.” It’s like 9:00 p.m., and I’m cranking away, when I …

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Legal Mean Streets

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 15 Comments

I had just lateraled over to a major firm in a new city.  One day I receive a call from a partner asking me to come to his office, and to bring the “Acme” file.  When I get there, he says, “Walk with me.” I assume we’re on another Starbucks run “meeting.” Instead, we get to the curb, and he …

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Mr. Procrastination

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 12 Comments

I was asked by a significant partner with whom I actually enjoy working to help out on a multi-million dollar appeal.  Fabulous.  Actually supervising me on this project, however, would be the schlumpy Neanderthal partner we charitably call “Mr. Procrastination.” Not fabulous. Round one was post-trial motions, all-nighters.  Round two, the initial appellate brief, was when he waited until the …

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Info That Would’ve Been Helpful 100 Hours Ago

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 9 Comments

Partner drops a huge motion on me for summary judgment, which I am to write in one week.  This is a case that has been litigated for five years, involving more than fifty years of contracting history between the parties.  The associates regularly assigned to the case inexplicably never researched many of the significant issues of the case or drafted …

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Hard (Not) at Work

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 5 Comments

Some partner I never met emailed last night and asked if I’d help out with a closing. I said yes, of course. Thirty-eight hours later, I haven’t gone to bed, left the building—or done a goddamn thing.  I’m just sitting outside the conference room, waiting for this ass clown to give me something to do.  All-nighters suck.  Gratuitous all-nighters suck much more! I’m …

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On Lawyers and Apologies

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 2 Comments

As a law student who interned for ten months only to find out that I suck at it in one ten minute conversation with the supervisor, I have some thoughts on lawyers and apologies. So, the following will be a primer for any attorney who is attempting to mend fences. I’ll write the treatise later. 1) Stick a pin in your fat …

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One Wrong Call

Bitter and Abused Columns, Lawyer 4 Comments

The other day, I was minding my own business, reviewing a bunch of documents, when the phone rang.  Outside number.  Didn’t recognize it.  But like I moron, I answered it – thought maybe it was this cute chick I met the day before.  Anyway, the guy asked for “Mr. Wolf.” Mr. Wolf is a notorious asshole partner.  But I’d never …

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