BREAKING: Stoned Husband Consults with Committee of Evil Cats Before Shooting at Sexting Wife

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Ex-police lieutenant wife sexting with younger man at bar. Crazy husband catches her. They go home. Crazy husband investigates further. Gets stoned. Discusses matter with in-house committee of felines. They apparently advise him to shoot her. He shoots at wife sleeping on inflatable mattress. Misses by a foot. Sentenced to 10 years. Wife divorces him. Whereabouts of evil cats unknown. …

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