A few years ago I decided happiness is an “event” emotion, a narcotic, spurred by a calorically dense dinner or finding a five-dollar bill in a parking lot. I figured I could only achieve that feeling through sporadic event spending or hard liquor, and both options have harrowing comedowns. So I stopped looking for happiness…
Deconstructing the Westminster Dog Show
It is Dog Show time again! Westminster Kennel Club is presenting their annual dog show. The winners of the Hound, Toy, Non-Sporting and Herding groups were chosen on Monday, but even we do not love the dog show enough to dedicate six hours of our week to it, so we are only recapping the final…
Your Dog Really Can Tell When You Are Happy
Science finally confirms what dog owners have always believed: dogs can tell the difference between happy and angry human faces. While there is a fairly strong scientific consensus that many species of animals express emotions similar to our own, this is the first study able to show that animals really can discern emotions across species – leaving…
What’s In A Face?
I recently received the news that I do not quite have prosopagnosia. This is a bit disappointing, since it means I am not quite eligible to take part in a study that pays $20/hour. Prosopagnosia literally translates as face-blindness. This simply means that a person (who has no other memory problems) has difficulty remembering faces.…
News That Isn’t News: You Probably Look Like Your Dog
There is new evidence suggesting we were right all along: dogs do, in fact, resemble their owners. Let’s put it to the test with a little game: each dog below is owned by the person either to his right or to his left (A or B). Try to identify the correct owner. Answers: 1=A, 2=B,…
The Travesty of the National Dog Show: A Critical Analysis
The National Dog Show is a seething hot bed of scandal and intrigue. Let us begin with the nepotism. It’s not only rampant, it’s blatant. John O’Hurley broke the story that Bogey the Samoyed was not only appointed ruler of all the Working Group dogs, so were at least three of his relatives. Enough with…
I Had to Put My Dog Down
One partner found it preposterous to take two days off for a dog and said “just do it and then come back to the office.”
Bitter News, 9-9-09
09.09.09 Bitter Newsroom headlines to celebrate the last repeating, single-digit date til 01.01.2101: • It’s official: Chihuahuas (chi-WAH’-wahs) are just a bunch of narcissistic bitches who love to be the center of lawsuit attention. In 2009 alone there have been cases of yapping Chihuahuas, “¡Yo quiero mi dinero!” Chihuahuas, Rock City-hoarding Chihuahuas, and price-of-gay-love Chihuahuas. …