My friends would say I’m relatively laid back. No, really. In my normal life, no one would ever think, “hey, I bet you really enjoy crushing people’s dreams.” Well, I’m here to tell you that I do. I don’t know why. It seems reasonable to assume that in grad school I still had something to…
Commas and Semicolons, and Colons, Oh My!
Has anyone noticed that lawyers are obsessed with punctuation marks? I mean, just obsessed. I mean, I get it: Correct grammar can make a profound difference. But seriously, when is the last time the choice between a semicolon and a colon had immense implications for your writing? Damn it! Now, I’m trying to think of…
Law School Just Sucks
You guys, why didn’t you tell me law school was haaaard? It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s interesting. You lawyers have some brass balls. This week, alone, I’ve learned that an airplane is not a motor vehicle and that if you get caught selling drugs near a park, you should at least try arguing…
Tales from the Trenches: An End to the Mollycoddling
Inexplicably, after many years of higher education and a semi-successful career, law school sounded like a great idea. Please enjoy this column, dedicated to documenting the results of that “great” idea. The break is over, and what started out last semester as an enjoyable diversion from real life now has the feel of routine. Does…
Tales from the Trenches: Exams Suck
You may have noticed that your intrepid observer of all things weird and random at law school took a break. That is because none of you jerks told me about the dreaded exam period. Law school exams suck. The hype around law school exams sucks way more. As I mentioned last time, my fellow pupils…
Tales From The Trenches: Exams Are Coming.
Watching the sturm und drang of my classmates this week has been…unsettling. No, we are not talking about the election – that seems to have barely made a dent in the collective consciousness of the cohort. Oh sure, there are some exceptions, but for the most part, it appears that nothing shall be allowed to…
Tales from the Trenches: Four Things I Learned This Week
This week, I have no overarching gripes, however, I have learned a lot. The usefulness of this information is perhaps debatable, but what the hell. 1.) Law students are obsessed with formal wear. This week I was invited to a formal dance – this is a thing I have not done since high school. I’ve…
Tales from the Trenches: Role Playing is for Sexxxy-Time, Not Law School
Like many venerable schools of law, ours is concerned about our ability to practice in the real world. Apparently, they got sick of graduating a bunch of idiots that ruined the school’s excellent reputation, by greeting clients by saying “How’s it hanging, bro?” Or at least that’s my interpretation of what’s happening here. And so,…
Tales from the Trenches: Torts Will Destroy My GPA
Oh, law school. Where to begin? I know! Torts. Oh, torts. You are awful. I am not even sure why. You are like the Magic-Grow Animals of the law: The concept seems simple. And then, it grows. Exceptions creep in. Half the Restatement rule was picked up, but the other half was not. Slotting the…
A Very Special Lego Study Guide For Law Students
Law school is all sorts of mature and grown up. I’ve yet to see anyone show up in their pajamas and no one seems interested in ditching class to smoke weed. But, if, like me, you find maturity to be totally overrated, perhaps you’d prefer to study via Lego? Well, we here at Bitter Lawyer…