Bitter Empire

  • Critic
  • Lawyer
  • SciTech
  • Endings
  • 
  • 
  • 
endings

WTF, Ted Cruz? Some Pointed Questions for America’s Least-Loved Senator

March 7, 2017 by Ali Davis Leave a Comment

Thing the first: Ted Cruz loathes Donald Trump. There are lots of mockable, hatable Ted Cruz positions, but this is not one of them. Along with every other horrible thing they did and said to each other during the Republican primaries, Trump publicly and famously went after Cruz’s wife. Cruz has every reason to hate…

Filed Under: Endings, Featured Tagged With: Donald Trump, ted cruz

Share this post

tell a friend

An Analysis of Which Presidential Candidate Would Be Eaten Last After a Plane Crash on a Deserted Island

April 21, 2016 by Ali Davis 4 Comments

Let’s be honest: national leadership is a cakewalk when you’ve already got a government and infrastructure in place. As long as you don’t interfere with the integrity of an established system for determining succession or base your entire mission statement on stopping anything from getting done, you can’t screw up too badly. (Personal note to…

Filed Under: Endings, Featured Tagged With: hillary clinton, ted cruz

Share this post

tell a friend

Bitter Empire Blows The Lid Off Ted Cruz’s Ice Bucket Challenge: There’s No Freaking Ice!

March 29, 2016 by Ali Davis Leave a Comment

On Monday, Gawker dug up Ted Cruz’s deeply depressing Ice Bucket Challenge video. Ted’s behavior here may be the most forced and unsuccessful attempt at seeming to be fun that I have ever seen, and I have worked on cruise ships. Gawker did a fine analysis of Heidi Cruz’s hostageface — What does Ted say to…

Filed Under: Endings, Featured Tagged With: ice bucket challenge, ted cruz

Share this post

tell a friend

Alright, So Who The Hell Is Ted Cruz?

February 3, 2016 by Kaleb Horton 2 Comments

The chaos has subsided and the news vans have driven away, so it’s time to sit down and ask the important questions about Iowa. For example, where is that? Do I even know anyone from there? Have I ever thought about that state before in my entire life? What does narrative mean and why do…

Filed Under: Endings, Featured Tagged With: iowa, ted cruz

Share this post

tell a friend

Story Time Live-Blogging: ‘A Cruzmas Carol: Ted Cruz Takes A Dickens Of A Constitutional’

December 22, 2015 by Bitter Staff 1 Comment

Murdering two pear-tree partridges with one stone by marrying the holidays with current U.S. electoral politics, this installation of our irregularly regular feature of live-blogging erotica of questionable taste centers on ‘A Cruzmas Carol: Ted Cruz Takes a Dickens of a Constitutional.’ Join us, Tuesday December 22 at 9am Central, to brave discussion of activities and people that should…

Filed Under: Endings Tagged With: A Cruzmas Carol, erotica, erotica live blog, ted cruz

Share this post

tell a friend

On Ted Cruz And Country Music’s Republican Problem

March 27, 2015 by Kaleb Horton 1 Comment

A fun sideshow in every election cycle is Republicans feigning musical awareness. You know how the story goes. It’s always the same. It’s a relaxed human interest interview, early in the campaign, and the candidate tries to get relatable by paying lip service to a working-class pastime but can’t stick the landing. The candidate is…

Filed Under: Endings Tagged With: 9/11, dwight yoakam, ted cruz

Share this post

tell a friend

Editor’s Choice

  • A Fox Studio Exec Meets With The Creative Team Of Sleepy Hollow, An Incomplete TranscriptA Fox Studio Exec Meets With The Creative Team Of Sleepy Hollow, An Incomplete Transcript
  • Don’t Ask Alice: An Academic Advice Column By Way Of The Ladies’ Home JournalDon’t Ask Alice: An Academic Advice Column By Way Of The Ladies’ Home Journal
  • ’13 Hours’ Isn’t A Movie, It’s A Bad Meme Come To Life’13 Hours’ Isn’t A Movie, It’s A Bad Meme Come To Life
  • Bitter Vault: In Lieu of What I am Actually ThinkingBitter Vault: In Lieu of What I am Actually Thinking
  • Paul Halpern’s ‘Einstein’s Dice And Schrödinger’s Cat’ Is The Physics Read You’re Looking ForPaul Halpern’s ‘Einstein’s Dice And Schrödinger’s Cat’ Is The Physics Read You’re Looking For

I’m A Bitter

  • Critic
  • Lawyer
  • SciTech
  • Endings

More From Bitter Empire

  • And Still More Ridiculous Lawyer CommercialsAnd Still More Ridiculous Lawyer Commercials
  • Study Says We Love Science, But Does Science Still Love Us?Study Says We Love Science, But Does Science Still Love Us?
  • America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22: This Is Not The Finale You Are Looking ForAmerica’s Next Top Model Cycle 22: This Is Not The Finale You Are Looking For
  • Hell in a Handbag:  10 Purse Trends from Milan Fashion WeekHell in a Handbag:  10 Purse Trends from Milan Fashion Week
  • Bitter Vault: Labor Day Unemployment Blues? Try These JobsBitter Vault: Labor Day Unemployment Blues? Try These Jobs
  • About Us
  • 
  • 
  • 