Thing the first: Ted Cruz loathes Donald Trump. There are lots of mockable, hatable Ted Cruz positions, but this is not one of them. Along with every other horrible thing they did and said to each other during the Republican primaries, Trump publicly and famously went after Cruz’s wife. Cruz has every reason to hate…
An Analysis of Which Presidential Candidate Would Be Eaten Last After a Plane Crash on a Deserted Island
Let’s be honest: national leadership is a cakewalk when you’ve already got a government and infrastructure in place. As long as you don’t interfere with the integrity of an established system for determining succession or base your entire mission statement on stopping anything from getting done, you can’t screw up too badly. (Personal note to…
Bitter Empire Blows The Lid Off Ted Cruz’s Ice Bucket Challenge: There’s No Freaking Ice!
On Monday, Gawker dug up Ted Cruz’s deeply depressing Ice Bucket Challenge video. Ted’s behavior here may be the most forced and unsuccessful attempt at seeming to be fun that I have ever seen, and I have worked on cruise ships. Gawker did a fine analysis of Heidi Cruz’s hostageface — What does Ted say to…
Alright, So Who The Hell Is Ted Cruz?
The chaos has subsided and the news vans have driven away, so it’s time to sit down and ask the important questions about Iowa. For example, where is that? Do I even know anyone from there? Have I ever thought about that state before in my entire life? What does narrative mean and why do…
Story Time Live-Blogging: ‘A Cruzmas Carol: Ted Cruz Takes A Dickens Of A Constitutional’
Murdering two pear-tree partridges with one stone by marrying the holidays with current U.S. electoral politics, this installation of our irregularly regular feature of live-blogging erotica of questionable taste centers on ‘A Cruzmas Carol: Ted Cruz Takes a Dickens of a Constitutional.’ Join us, Tuesday December 22 at 9am Central, to brave discussion of activities and people that should…
On Ted Cruz And Country Music’s Republican Problem
A fun sideshow in every election cycle is Republicans feigning musical awareness. You know how the story goes. It’s always the same. It’s a relaxed human interest interview, early in the campaign, and the candidate tries to get relatable by paying lip service to a working-class pastime but can’t stick the landing. The candidate is…