I hate golf. These are just a few of the things I’d rather do than play it: Get my ass waxed Attend a CLE seminar See a Kate Hudson movie But that wasn’t always the case. A few years back I actually enjoyed playing golf and was getting fairly decent at it. But then, much…
The Perils of Cuckolding
I think it’s high time I get back to sharing some shameful tales over the past year that you’ve missed out on. May as well start off with the worst one. Most of the stories, I’ve told make me seem pretty deplorably, and frankly, I am. But, I still have some minimal code of ethics, boundaries…
Training Day
For all my griping about my secretary Nancy’s gross incompetence, if there is one positive word I would use to describe her, it is old-school. For fans of Mad Men, she was my Joan Holloway. Well, an ugly, fat, mole-y version, but you get the idea. She knew how things worked. So when she was…
Return From the Black Lagoon
Truthfully, when some dudes from Minnesota who write a law firm marketing advice blog emailed me and told me they bought Bitter Lawyer and wanted me to come back, I thought it was a prank. I was like umm “have you actually read my column—not too much practical advice for the upstanding lawyer.” But I…
How to NOT Sleep With a Summer Associate
Matthew Richardson’s Five Commandments for a trouble-free summer involving law firm summer associates
Thank God for Those Bulls#!t U.S. News Rankings
With a decreasing number of slots at high-paying shops, it’s no wonder US News & World Report rankings mean more than ever. But they’re still bullshit.
BigLaw Madness: Elite 8 and The Finals
Unethical and Amoral Matthew Richardson breaks down BigLaw into the Elite 8 and takes March Madness at the firm to the finals
The BigLaw Sweet Sixteen
A Sweet 16 face off in a systematical competition between the best and worst people in BigLaw
All’s Fair in Lust and Recruiting
I was feeling particularly bored the other day. I had been working round-the-clock on a deal that was about to close. Hadn’t had sex in days. Hadn’t tasted a drop of booze in a week. And I think my favorite Mexican stripper, Luciana, was deported last weekend. Desperate for a cheap thrill, I did something…
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Cryingtown
As much as I love being around women (and we know that’s A LOT), proximity to them within the confines of a law firm is a completely different story. All of my least favorite experiences as a lawyer come from dealing with women. Trumping the misery of working under an insecure, passive-aggressive coozebag of a Law Review…