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Girl-on-Girl Crime

Matthew Richardson Columns, Lawyer 15 Comments

I don’t consider myself to be too much of a misogynist. Yes, I visit massage parlors and I watch the Spice channel, but when it comes to work, I think I treat almost everyone equally. Honestly, I don’t think BigLaw is nearly as much of a boy’s club as some industries.  I truly believe that women get a fair shake—no …

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The Keys to My Kingdom

Matthew Richardson Columns, Lawyer 27 Comments

I was drunk.  I was horny.  And I was figuratively charming the pants off of Alicia, a second-year associate who I would consider hot by the standards of our aesthetically challenged profession.  I even convinced the Partner to come hang out (read: open up a tab) after we finished our closing dinner with the client.  Alicia and I made out …

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Printer Nirvana

Matthew Richardson Columns, Lawyer 33 Comments

Some lawyers despise the printer more than they despise their friends from high school who work at hedge funds unaffected by the downturn. Other lawyers, like me, look forward to a trip to the printer as much as the first day of spring when girls break out those ruffled skirts. Partner: Matthew, looks like we’re ready to print. Should you …

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Minority Report

Matthew Richardson Columns, Lawyer 51 Comments

“Matthew, I need your help with something,” the senior partner said as I stepped into his office. Even I couldn’t get you laid with that gigantic mole on your face. “There are going to be some changes around here.” I don’t like where this is going… I am way too hung over to get canned today. I wouldn’t have the …

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Strippers and Ghosts

Matthew Richardson Columns, Lawyer 20 Comments

Somewhere between Crystal’s pole routine and me drizzling her body with my Kettle Tonic, I started writing down the names of everyone firm-related actually at the Hustler Club that night.  It was me, an eighth-year associate we’ll call Josh, and a pretty awesome first-year we’ll call Maurice.  Then, I added our client’s name to the list, who we’ll call David …

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