There is dino erotica. We are live blogging it. At 10:45am on a Thursday. Because we can.
From the chat room before we remembered other people might also find this hilarious:
lyda [10:11 AM]
Okay, *rubs hands together* I’m settling down with a fresh cup of coffee and my newly purchased copy of TAKEN BY THE T-REX.
lyda [10:16 AM]
Oh no. It seems she’s a “villager” and…. and there are dinosaurs. Ouch! My suspenders! They snap! And it’s page one!
giggle [10:17 AM]
I assume what follows is complex character development. Or “Rawr”.
lyda [10:17 AM]
So far only the anguish-filing carnage that the “big lizard” has wrought. So much despair!
giggle [10:17 AM]
Well that’s a story arc I did not see coming!
lyda [10:18 AM]
I’m curious how this will become sexy.
lyda [10:19 AM]
I should not be laughing but we just met fellow villager “Gul” who could only find one part of “his woman,” her foot, which he’s carrying around while “bellowing at the sky.”
lyda [10:20 AM]
Hahahahaha. “loops of purple and red innards.”
lyda [10:20 AM]
I am a sick woman.
giggle [10:20 AM]
I think laughing is the only appropriate response to that plot point.
lyda [10:22 AM]
Okay, now all the survivors are now getting high from “Srad” a fruit with narcotic properties.
giggle [10:24 AM]
Ah…I think this narcotic fruit may foreshadow how it becomes sexxxy!
lyda [10:25 AM]
Yep. There is hope. Currently, there is LSD-like freaking out and running through the underbrush but I’m hoping for strong, lizardy arms to catch us up.
giggle [10:25 AM]
lyda [10:26 AM]
Nope. It was a bad dream.
lyda [10:26 AM]
giggle [10:26 AM]
I’m surprised at the amount of lead in.
lyda [10:26 AM]
Right??? Where is the sex??? IT’S BEEN THREE WHOLE PAGES!!!
lyda [10:28 AM]
Oh, bonus, the stone-age type people speak of themselves in third person. “Why ask Grul. Grul does not know.”
giggle [10:28 AM]
With both a terrifying attack, and an lsd-like freak out. lotta action.
lyda [10:29 AM]
Interesting character moment. Our heroine has previously found sex with the men of the village to be “boring and painful” and “had not bother to do it again” (after the first time.) AND DINOSAURS WILL BE BETTER? Have you seen a T-Rex penis?? Must be huge.
giggle [10:30 AM]
Hah! Well, Men suck, guess I’ll go try it on with that giant carnivorous lizard like thing.
tinlizzy [10:32 AM]
ok wait wait wait – is the premise of this like Creation-y/6000 yo earth to make it so dinos are with humans, or are we on a different planet or how exactly am I supposed to be suspending my disbelief??
lyda [10:33 AM]
Grul does not care for your evolution. Grul wants to hunt dinos because dinos are cool.
tinlizzy [10:34 AM]
well and disturbingly, that’s not nearly the only Jesus with dinos img out in the wild, but I fancy that one
lyda [10:35 AM]
Oh, my gods, there are deer and dinosaurs. This might be it. I can take people an dinosaurs, but deer? NO, mammals must be small!!!
lyda [10:36 AM]
Also… still no sex. (Grul is getting impatient. Grul want hot dino sex.)
giggle [10:37 AM]
How did the deer make it into the book anyway, are we describing scenery?
tinlizzy [10:38 AM]
also – maybe T-rex penii are tiny, like their arms
giggle [10:39 AM]
The internet think they have these: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloaca
lyda [10:40 AM]
See, and I would have though bird penis.
lyda [10:40 AM]
Because T-Rex’s closest living relative is a chicken.
giggle [10:41 AM]
I have zero idea about bird junk. I’ve often lamented my poor understanding of bird reproduction cycles. I feel it was a failing of my biology teacher.
lyda [10:41 AM]
two words for your edification and terrification (which is a word I just made up): duck. penis.
lyda [10:41 AM]
Look it up.
lyda [10:41 AM]
WAIT, WAIT… the T-Rex has appeared again and…
It “had to be at LEAST ten feet from head to tail and stood six feet tall.” Um, what? SIX FEET TALL??? And the villagers are running scared?
Also, though, kudos. There are feathers.
Okay, is it weird that I’m bothered and disappointed in a tiny T-Rex? And that our heroine could take down a deer with her “pointy stick” but not this baby-T?
OMG. What is turning Drin on? The hunt. She’s considering touching herself when T-rex falls in a trap she’s made.
IF THIS IS THE SEX I MAY CRY.
I’m still hung up on the fact that there are deer and I agree, the cover suggests a fully grown T-rex.
Maybe that one is still coming?
Speaking of such things, “Fear shot through her, mingling with the arousal she felt to create a completely new feeling, one that she did not entirely hate.”
I don’t know. Drin doesn’t seem the type of girl to cuckold a dinosaur.
Okay, the dinosaur is “upon her.” I haz bated breath.
She is being sniffed, you guys. ALERT!
upon her. heh. I’m interested in the sexxxy time euphemisms. Is it manhood or dinohood?
We have the arrival of penis! “…two feet in length at least, it was as thick as her arm at the elbow, except for the end which tapered down to a blunt point, dark red and solid.”
I am not sure I would have guessed sniffing was the first step in dino foreplay.
I mean, I’m scared.
Ewww. Ew. Ew!
oh man. That is an image my brain just won’t let go of.
IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE. “Drin stilled as she felt the first touch of the creature’s rock-hard, red-hot, moist flesh bobbing against her thighs.”
Drin should be concerned. I don’t know about cave dwelling made up people who lived with the dinosaurs, but I can’t imagine how much that is gonna hurt.
You promised there would be SHIFTING. What happened to the shifting out of dino form?!
She’s freaking. She’s expecting to be torn apart. Which is reasonable, I should think.
I don’t KNOW. I thought for sure this would not be straight-up beastiality (which I am too scared to spell right).
She should be. This was a terrible plan Drin. A TERRIBLE plan!
Okay, okay, at least there is only frottage… so far. “The effect was actually beginning to feel nice to Drin.”
Well, depending on who’s where in this scenario there is still the ability to get squished when a dinosaur lays on top of you. And was it, Drin? Really?
Oh NO, Drin, NO. Her big plan for survival is to let him frot between her breasts. Oh, Drin…. you are one big hentai porn picture now.
I think Drin may still be a little high from the narcotic like flowers.
You’d hope, but I neglected to mention the timeskip. This is two months forward.
Drin’s reputation in the village is shot to hell.
She’s apparently now using this gigantic member like a body pillow. I am really NOT turned on (though Drin is.)
“…and she had the first orgasm of her life.”
WHY IS THERE NO SHIFTING. I WANTED A HOT GUY.
Oh my. Everything about those last two sentences is wrong. Just wrong.
Apparently, the big lizard is a big dick in more ways than one. He’s just carrying on despite the fact that she got off already. The nerve.
What’s T-rex getting out of all this anyway? And also, Drin’s boobs must have a veritable cavern between them if the before described member is fitting in there. I’m hung up on logistics.
Who would have guessed that a T-rex is not a thoughtful and sensitive lover?
I know, right? Also, even though she’s complaining that her entire body is being covered in his “juices” her big concern is if it’s going to shoot out and hit her in the eye. YOU HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS, DRIN.
Perspective Drin, perspective.
I’m mostly speechless after catching up on everything so far, so I’m going to just say that TIL about “frotting,” a word I heretofore have never heard of
I really hope there is a small pond or lake nearby, because I think otherwise she may be shunned by her village.
She’s building up to another climax, apparently, and finally our big fellow bellows and “its semen ejaculate across the canyon, wetting the rocks below.”
T-Rex is SO RUDE. He lets out his buckets of joy and then literally drops her.
It’s like a rainbow, but DISGUSTING!
I was told there would be shape-shifting. I’m having the vapors here.
Me too! And I was SO SURE. This is not okay!
Side note – the Amazon link in the sidebar is helpfully suggesting a T-Rex toy. So wrong.
Amazon suggestion FAIL!
A body pillow might would more appropriate. Perhaps we should suggest one! Two feet long and red-hot, baby!
I thought yesterday we had achieved Peak Internet by being able to do middle finger emoji
She was seen by Grul, but he just got eaten, so her reputation is safe. Because, you know, a guy who eats peeping Toms is SEXY.
Well yeah. Poor Grul!
but now I think we’ve one-upped even that, by full-circle live-blogging dino erotica with Amazon adaptively suggesting dino toys
Dear Suitors: Please note that you will from now be required to eat all peeping toms.
Grul sounded like a dick anyway.
WAIT, it’s over? That’s it! Grul gets eaten and our heroine limps into town and tells everyone, “Er, Grul? Oh, he, um…. died heroically.” (Paraphrase)
But at least the last line is hopeful, she scans “the young men for a suitable looking man to service her.” Because what do you need after dino sex? Service! (Oh, wait, I think she means something else….)
That is an excellent story arc. It’s a shame about Grul though. Presumably the next in the series is someone avenging his death while Drin protects the T-rex, by hiding out with him in a cave.
I’m still fuzzy on the premise by which there are humans with dinos, please to explain
I’m still trying to figure out how a six foot dinosaur is scary. And is able to stand up with a penis that’s a third of his body length.
yeah – that’s some serious tripod-ism with those dimensions.
sort of like a reverse kangaroo!
And it’s never clear if this was supposed to earth. Because people + dinosaurs + deer. Makes my suspenders of disbelief not just snap, but fling themselves off and throw themselves over a cliff.
For such a long set up, it was very RAWR, bam, eat your friend, thank you ma’am.
It’s balanced by its giant tail.
I am sad there was no feather tickling. A lost opportunity.
Perhaps the intent is to appeal to the Creationists…maybe on balance (beastiality/porn + Jesus rode dinosaurs) it works out for them
They should really use that for the blurb on the paperback copy.
Because every Creationist loves body frotting lizard dicks!
I mean, who doesn’t, am I right??
sort of a good with the bad? Concession of theology of young Earth to offset the naughty
But feathers. Does that not imply evolution??
wait – did the T-rex have feathers? I may have missed that in the….deluge
Up Next! GAY T-REX LAW FIRM: Executive Boner!
He did! He actually had feathers.
A beautiful crest and a downy chest. Very hot.
yeah well I think it’s ok for the young-Earthers, because Jesus made everything as is, and the dinos all died anyway, so feathers means they were born that way, not evolved.
Interestingly, I think Drin was lucky. Not only did she meet up with a juvenile, but (Google) science is telling me that it’s believed now that T-Rexs hunted in PACKS (talk about terrifying).
I’m also still trying to get over how long I had to wait for the main event.
And that there was no shifting.
I’m very hopeful that the dinosaurs in GAY T-REX LAW FIRM will shift.
That’s the NEXT book…Drin + dino gang bang
There’s some great cross-pollination potential on that with BitterLawyer…
(GAY T-REX LAW FIRM, that is)
Somehow left out: Tyrannosaurs had bad breath: http://dinosaurs.about.com/od/dinosaurbasics/a/trexfacts.htm
Also Smithsonian knows how it got done: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-anatomy-of-dinosaur-sex-95156234/?no-ist
A real museum recreated their dinosaurs being caught in the act. My brain hurts just a little.
Okay, I can see why the author shied away from science. From the Smithsonian article: “Males of most bird species don’t have a penis at all and pass genetic material to females through a brief encounter given the cringe-inducing term “cloacal kiss.”
Yeah, realism might get in the way of a good story here.
Although, good…that’s a strong word.
The terrifying duck penises though really bring some style to that “cloacal kiss”
Oh, our Smithsonian guy wrote ANOTHER dino sex article : http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/everything-you-wanted-to-know-about-dinosaur-sex-173015/
MAKE IT STOP! Oh the horror. THE HORROR!
had to be done.
Ouch! My eyes!
Thank the heavens this defaults to chronological order when we end the live portion of the day.
that was the unicorn chaser for the dino-drin sex. You’re welcome.
Also, this news is pretty disappointing (again from those pesky science folks at the Smithsonian): “Teen dinosaur dating did not involve drive-in movies and nights out dancing.” WHAT? DAMMIT.
Smithsonian: keepin’ it real.
It starts at a law firm. Obviously.
And with that. We are out. Stay tuned for another installment…if we don’t get banned for life by our excellent editress Snipy.