Has anyone noticed that lawyers are obsessed with punctuation marks? I mean, just obsessed. I mean, I get it:
Correct grammar can make a profound difference. But seriously, when is the last time the choice between a semicolon and a colon had immense implications for your writing?
Damn it! Now, I’m trying to think of a hypothetical situation where it would matter.
I blame you, law school.
And, while we’re on the subject of grammar, what is up with those automated grammar tests? Who the fuck writes those things?
After thoughtful consideration, I have developed a deeply held belief that the company that creates this fresh hell is pretty heavily invested in all of us failing the fucking thing. Seriously, I have a lot of edjumacation. In fact, half the reason I’m in law school is because I done got myself over-educated and can’t get a job as a result. So, how did I only get 75% on this test? That’s a gawddamn C. Do you know how long it has been since I’ve gotten a C on anything? 2nd year of undergraduate, bitches. That was eight years worth of classes back. Just in case anyone is keeping track. Also, plus, too – if I got 75% correct, how did I only test out of a minimal number of sections? Math is important too!
Not to mention, I’m pretty sure that automated grammar thingie is not actually part of my grade. So, why am I doing it? I don’t know. There seems to be a lot of things unrelated to my grade that are an absolute imperative and without which I will fail my first year or, perhaps, the bar. And, then I will lose my home and any other marketable skills and become an alcoholic transient. All because I didn’t go to my mandatory 1L Westlaw training session.
Oh, wait. As it turns out, I’m a gawddamn database programmer. I think I can figure out how to do a Boolean search. Oh, you think that matters? That does not matter. Shut up and go to the mandatory training or else you’re going to be “that student.” I’m pretty sure I’m already “that student.” I’ve accepted that it comes with the territory of spending over a decade in college. I’m too old and tired not to bitch when the process of going to law school gets harder than the work required to pass your classes.