The Mud, the Blood, and the Baby Shower

Doug Stephan Columns, Lawyer 2 Comments

The guest of honor told belligerent guests to “Bring it!”

Generally all the tantrums at a baby shower are limited to the newborn but not in this case. A Massachusetts baby shower turned into a 200-person brawl including bottle and chair smashing. One partygoer was even Tasered. Three adults and one juvenile were arrested with a litany of charges. Police called it a chaotic scene that was not helped by the baby’s father who argued with authorities and stated, “that this was his party and no one was leaving.”

Father of the year. I know it’s January but give him the award right now. I love how he is demanding that nobody leaves. He knows he is going to never hear the end of this from the wife once the party is over. I have always been told you never upset a pregnant woman and this father is taking that to heart. Nobody messes with their highly dysfunctional baby shower.

And speaking of the shower . . . finally I have found one that I would attend. Forget about the dumb showers where everyone sits around and eats gross cucumber sandwiches while you “ohh” and “ahh” over stupid onesies. Smashing bottles, a guy rode the white lighting, and the police calling the scene “one of the more dangerous ones they’ve been in.” You bet your ass I’m going to be there. Forget about all those dumb games where you try and guess the baby’s name. All baby showers should be WWE style. Sure having a baby is exciting but not as exciting as a chair across the back. Now if only babies had their own entrance music.

Post image courtesy of Shutterstock.

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  • Bill

    It’s easy to pick up and bone women after baby showers because they want to feel wanted. The women often give good BJs too (for the same reason)

  • Allen

    Baby showers are the best place to pick up unattached women. They will literally grab you by the balls in an effort to get preggo. So guys, be careful. You are not as hot as they are horny to get preggo. But if you do hump them, be sure to double bag it b/c pregnancy is the goal, not marriage to you. Believe me, I have been there, but with a handful of condoms.