This Is Why I Am Not a Criminal Defense Attorney

Doug Stephan Lawyer, News & Views 7 Comments

What happens when your client, a 30-year-old South Carolinian who just plead guilty to ¬†slew of felonies, does not like the fact that the prosecutor read said felonies out loud and “was trying to incriminate me like I’m some bad guy”?

Let’s find out.

Lamarcus Williamson was obvious unhappy with his 15-year sentence for pleading guilty to robbery and assault charges. He also is facing pending drug charges. The altercation left attorney Dan Hall with a busted lip and a sore jaw. To make matters worse, it was Mr. Hall’s birthday and it wasn’t even his client. He was helping out a colleague with the case and had just met Williamson. For his part, the judge added 6 months to Williamson’s already 15-year sentence for contempt of court.

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  • Derek

    I am the local version of a public defender. I have a standing policy that the next time I am assaulted, infected or propositioned by a client I get to take the rest of the day off. Especially if I am infected.

    • Bitter Editor

      Please Derek, tell us more.

      • Derek

        You ever work a bail court? You get some questionable hygiene and medical condition. This particular rule came about the time a police officer with 30+ years of experience warned me the client I was about to go meet with in cells had a type of skin disease she had never seen before. BL, it was red and pulsating. It was not good.

        Or there was perhaps the time the Hep C infected client was brought in trying to spit on and bite the sheriffs . . .

        Or perhaps the fellow with scabies who wanted to hug me for getting him bail . . .

        Or perhaps I should stop now and drink till closing.

        • Bitter Editor


          Our vote is for the latter. Perhaps this will help you in that endeavor:

          • Derek

            A martini might be doable for you fancy biglaw types. We in the trenches opt for a more efficient alcohol delivery system. I prefer neat single malt Scotch, for instance.

          • Bitter Editor

            Oh yeah!? Well, we here at Bitter Lawyer prefer Phillips vodka straight from the plastic bottle.

  • Jerry

    The real thing to look out for when defending female perps is BITTER CROTCH! You don’t know what’s been down there but it’s safe to presume its not fresh.